CAFE SOCIETY

a play in two acts

by Pam Gems

Copyright © Pam Gems
Pam Gems is hereby identified as author of this work in accordance with section 77 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988. The author has asserted her moral rights. 

All rights whatsoever in this play are strictly reserved and application for performance etc. should be made before rehearsal to Rose Cobbe, United Agents, 12-26 Lexington Street, London W1F 0LE, UK. Tel: +44 (0) 20 3214 0800.
http://unitedagents.co.uk/agents/rose-cobbe/. Assistant: Dan Usztan. Email: dusztan@unitedagents.co.uk Tel: +44 (0) 20 3214 0873. No performance may be given unless a licence has been obtained.

CAFE SOCIETY

CAST

		JUNE

		ARMANDINE

		MABEL

		PAM

		INEZ

		AMY

		GINGER/MARVENNA

CAFE SOCIETY

SCENE ONE.

Inside the Violet Cafe and Book Bar in North Kensington, near the canal.  The interior is unusual.  Upstage is a raised area with an old leather sofa, a large bookcase, a desk and a chair.  There is a low table with books and magazines.  On the desk is a maquette made of angle iron.  A window up centre.

The main area of the cafe has tables and chairs and one secluded banquette down right.  There are four exits - down right to the bathroom/lavatory, up right to the exterior and Mabel's studio, up left beyond the bar to the kitchen and down left the public exit.  The tables and chairs are all different - nothing matches.  The tables are covered in chenille and velvet cloths in inky colours, green, purple and red.  Vases in iridescent colours glow.  There is a large metal structure reaching up, austere and watchful.  Left is the bar, facing downstage on the diagonal with the cafe's name in glowing purple italic.  Two of the tables are set for a meal.  Music is switched on suddenly.  It is Wagner, very loud.  Someone shouts.  The music is switched off.

Pause.

A FIGURE wearing goggles and a strange head-cover rising to a point over her forehead, and a very old boiler suit emerges from the kitchen and walks across the stage carrying a metal-cutter.  The music surges again.  The strange WOMAN returns, muttering, without the metal-cutter, goes back into the kitchen.  The music stops.

Silence.  Then the sound of the cafe doorbell.

JUNE ROSTEN enters.  She is in her thirties, thin, in a brown cloth coat with flat shoes, a large sensible bag and a man's black umbrella.  She should, with these clothes, look nothing, but there is an angularity, a way of standing - she has a style of her own.  She looks round uncertainly, hangs up her umbrella and makes for the banquette.

			PAM
		(Hidden on the other side of the banquette)  Do you mind?

			JUNE
		(Jumps back, startled)  I'm sorry.

JUNE is unnerved.  MABEL, now divested of mask and boiler suit, enters.  She is rangy, in loose battered trousers and a short-sleeved white t-shirt.  What is remarkable is her hair.  It is bright blue and dressed forward and up to an eight inch peak, like the horn of a unicorn.  JUNE gawps.

			MABEL
		Borscht?

JUNE can only nod.  She sinks back onto the other side of the banquette.  She relaxes slightly, looking round with interest at a large modern painting of Leda and the Swan, then takes a book from her bag, finds the page.  A mobile phone rings.  PAM, out of view, begins to talk, at first in a low voice, but soon getting louder.  JUNE reads her book.

			PAM
		You don't want to do that.

		Because it's a waste of time!
JUNE turns a page.

			PAM
		Just get him in the garage, lock the doors and start up the motor!

JUNE sits bolt upright.

			PAM
		The guy's sick!  If it wasn't for Tracie I'd have shopped him long ago.

		I told you - he touched her thing!

		And have it all come out her Daddy's a pervert?  It's bad for business!

JUNE leans back, listening, mouth open.

			PAM
		Look I know you feel bad about leaving Christine.

		Of course she's depressed but it could happen to anybody it's not as though you infected her on purpose.

		I gotta go, I left a woman under the dryer.

She appears from the other side of the banquette as JUNE, in a panic, rises to escape.  PAM wears a spiked hair-do, a red jacket, short black patent leather skirt and 'pickers.  She gives JUNE a terrifying glare and goes.  JUNE, shaken, reaches for her bag and book, crosses to the exit, and bumps into a large WOMAN in leathers and a helmet.  They side-step each other, then the WOMAN barges passed, flattening JUNE.

JUNE scrambles for her bag, which has burst open, and her book.  The WOMAN takes off her gloves, scarf, helmet, silver suit and boots.  Out of all this steps a dark, vivid WOMAN in a maroon jump-suit.  She straightens herself, runs a hand through her hair and approaches JUNE genially.

			WOMAN
		Bowled you over, huh?

She hauls JUNE to her feet.

			ARMANDINE
		And who are you?

JUNE rises shyly.

			JUNE
		June Rosten.

			ARMANDINE
		Armandine de Winter.

ARMANDINE surveys JUNE, then draws out a chair noisily for JUNE to sit and sits across from her.

			ARMANDINE
		To what do we owe the pleasure?

			JUNE
		I'm sorry?

			ARMANDINE
		You look as though you've never heard the word.  (Yells)  Mabel!

MABEL looks out, disappears.  ARMANDINE takes a white cloth napkin from the table, tucks it into her neck.  Picks up JUNE'S book, looks at it casually.

MABEL arrives with soup in a plated tureen.  She puts it down with bread in large chunks, a ladle, bowls, and a smaller bowl.

			MABEL
		(Sets down the bowl)  Sour cream.

She goes.  ARMANDINE indicates for JUNE to serve her.  JUNE gives her a serving, she nods for more, and helps herself liberally to cream and bread.  JUNE serves herself and lifts her spoon nervously.

			ARMANDINE
		So - what wafts you to this time-warp hamlet of old Bohemia?

		(She looks up, scowling.)

		It wasn't that bitch Shelley?

			JUNE
		No.

They eat, ARMANDINE head down.

			ARMANDINE
		(Without looking up)  You're sitting in her seat. 

			JUNE
		I beg your pardon?

			ARMANDINE
		Alexandra Slatkin.

			JUNE
		(Puts down her spoon)  The poet?

		Alexandra Slatkin?

		Sits here?

		In this chair?

			ARMANDINE
		You like her stuff?

			JUNE
		Very much!  (Touches her book)  Not that she isn't sometimes syntactically worrying - 

		- the missing particles -

			ARMANDINE
		(In a heavy Russian accent)  "Kom eento gahrdon, Mod - blek bet is floying..."

JUNE laughs.

			ARMANDINE
		You look quite different when you laugh.

She rises, crosses to the bar, gets a half-full bottle of vodka and two glasses, returns, pours for two.

			ARMANDINE
		Got a pen?

JUNE takes a pen from her bag.  ARMANDINE marks the level on the vodka bottle.

			JUNE
		This soup is heavenly.

		May I ask - are you a poet?

			ARMANDINE
		Of course.

			JUNE
		I thought so.

			ARMANDINE
		And a playwright.

		I'm working on a piece about Joan.

			JUNE
		Of Arc?

			ARMANDINE
		Naturally.  It's been done before of course - GBS had a go.  Totally inauthentic.

			JUNE
		You see her from the woman's angle?

			ARMANDINE
		You could say that.  Whichever way you look, she was show-biz.

			JUNE
		Ye-es.

		I think I see what you mean.

		What is your play called?

			ARMANDINE
		Joan the Musical.

JUNE smiles politely.

They eat.  JUNE leans forward.

			JUNE
		Tell me.

		Do you - I mean - her voices...do you think she actually - 

		- will your approach be - 

ARMANDINE eats.

			JUNE
		- some say she was no more than a puppet, used by powerful - 

		- and, of course, some say she escaped the fire.

			ARMANDINE
		Not in my musical she doesn't - well, depends on the budget.  I may send her to the Crusades, or let her take over Italy with Garibaldi.

Shouts and bangs from the kitchen, making JUNE jump.

			ARMANDINE
		(Eating her soup)  It's only Ray.

			JUNE
		I'm sorry?

			ARMANDINE
		The chef.  Probably some guy delivering.

		She hates men.  One tried to kiss her once.

MABEL sticks her head round the door.

			MABEL
		Profiterolles?

			JUNE
		Ooh, please...

			ARMANDINE
		(To MABEL)  Don't you dare!

MABEL shrugs, goes.

			ARMANDINE
		I'm on the Eat Like a Fruit Fly and Save Your Life diet.

		So - what do you do, June?

			JUNE
		Me?

			ARMANDINE
		(Scraping the soup tureen)  No, Renee Fleming.

			JUNE
		I'm a tax consultant.

			ARMANDINE
		A tax consultant?

JUNE offers her a napkin to wipe the soup from her face.  ARMANDINE puts her face towards JUNE to wipe it.  So she does, awkwardly.  ARMANDINE goes upstage, finds a cigarillo.

			ARMANDINE
		My pad.  En passant.  Sometimes you need a backwater.

She returns, lights up the cigarillo with a flame-thrower, sits back, assessing JUNE.

			ARMANDINE
		A tax consultant, eh?

			JUNE
		Not very interesting.

			ARMANDINE
		Oh I don't know.  (She pours more vodka.)

She watches as JUNE sips shyly.

			ARMANDINE
		Every done any Spanish dancing?

			JUNE
		No, never.

			ARMANDINE
		You should, you'd be good at it.

		And wear a hat, you've got the face for it.

More yelling from the kitchen.  MABEL comes from the kitchen.

			MABEL
		Sorry, no coffee.  (Jerks her head kitchenwards)  Root canal.  The dentist's still on the window ledge.

			ARMANDINE
		De nada.

MABEL stops in her tracks at this mild response, shrugs and goes.

			ARMANDINE
		Where do you live?

			JUNE
		Acton.

			ARMANDINE
		Flat?

			JUNE
		Yes.

			ARMANDINE
		How many bedrooms?

			JUNE
		Three - it was my parents'.

			ARMANDINE
		Where are they?

			JUNE
		Dead.

			ARMANDINE
		Good, have you got a room to spare?

			JUNE
		Well -

			ARMANDINE
		I need somewhere to work.  (Rises.)  Where's your car?

			JUNE
		Outside.

ARMANDINE grabs a coat from by the door, shepherds the bewildered and tipsy JUNE offstage.

SCENE TWO.

MABEL enters, pours herself a drink.  The bar telephone rings.  She picks it up.

			MABEL
		Yeah?  Oh - Maurice.  Hullo-o...of course not, of course not cher Maurice.

		Have you had your shower?

		And are you wearing your silk jimjams?

		...which ones, the gold or the black... oh that sounds wonderful...

		...oh, lovely, Maurice.  Put your toes out I'm going to buffer them with my soft, shammy leather...very, very gently, Maurice.  Then I'm going to lick your toes, Maurice, and after that...good, Maurice - good...very good...very good, Maurice...

SCENE THREE.

PAM, in pink overall, leans against the green banquette, with AMY, a client.  AMY has her hair in rollers, and wears a pink smock.

			PAM
		Backwards?

			AMY
		Yes!  There he was, walking backwards across the parquet with one eye dangling on his chest.  Like that.  Like a pendant.  (Points to her bosom.)

			PAM
		Cripes.

			AMY
		I was as white as a sheet.

			PAM
		Well you would be.  Just as well the vet was in.

			AMY
		I know - he's usually down the sauna.  I'm still in shock.

			PAM
		Is he OK?

			AMY
		Oh yes, he's a lot more better, apart from the tablets.

			PAM
		It's easy.  Grab his chops, force his head back and shove the pills down his throat.  He has to swallow or choke.

			AMY
		He chokes.  Brought down the curtain rail yesterday.

			PAM
		But he's looking up.

			AMY
		Not literally.  He's lost his independence, Pam.  He's all clingy and waily.

			PAM
		Get him doctored, that'll settle him down.  Shouldn't you be under the dryer?

			AMY
		In a way.

She wanders off.  PAM takes her mobile from her overall pocket and dials.

			PAM
		Can you talk?

		What do you mean?

		That's ridiculous, why not?  for Christ's sake, the SAS don't have no trouble.

		Because I want you to!  Get your finger out - go for it.  I can't stop, I got a weave and two streaks.  Fucking skates on, OK?

She takes a large hamburger from its plastic box, bites into it savagely and goes, the burger in her mouth.

SCENE FOUR.

MABEL is seated on a bar stool, with the telephone.

			MABEL
		...Julian, you wicked, wicked boy, lie back and think of breasts and nanny bending over you in her white apron smelling of carbolic and stay with lovely Classic FM and drift...drift...

		...no, don't get up, just lie back...

		...no, one pillow will do...

		...lie back and think of clouds and lovely sandy beaches...warm breezes...

		Drift...drift...

		...enjoy...enjoy...oh, you have - good.  Ciao, darling, à la bonne heure...kissy, kissy...mmmmmm..

She makes kissing noises into the telephone, replaces the receiver and yells.

			MABEL
		Has that squid arrived?  (A stream of abuse.)

		(At the open kitchen door)  What?  OK, you'll have to defile the turkey.

		What?

		When?

		(Sighs)  All right...make it fur coats.

She rubs out the menu on the blackboard, thinks, then writes in large letters.

			MABEL
		Dindon - a - la - mode.

ARMANDINE and JUNE enter and divest themselves of bike gear.

			JUNE
		What about the Arts Council?

			ARMANDINE
		You kidding?  They don't spend money on artists.

			JUNE
		I thought that's what they were for.  

		(Reading a leaflet)  There are these things called Project Grants.

			ARMANDINE
		Yeah, for chancers who don't need them.

			JUNE
		That doesn't make sense.

			ARMANDINE
		The Arts Council need players.  What do you think they're in it for - good works?

			MABEL
		(Enters)  Trouble?

			JUNE
		It's the musical.

			MABEL
		What musical?

			ARMANDINE
		The one I'm doing auditions for.

			MABEL
		Where?

			ARMANDINE
		Here.

			MABEL
		When?

			ARMANDINE
		Now.

MABEL looks from one to the other.  She sees that they are serious.

			MABEL
		Not that crap about Joan of Arc?  (Silence.)

		Who's producing it?  (ARMANDINE indicates JUNE.)

		Who's directing?

			ARMANDINE
		You are.

			MABEL
		There is no musical.

		There never was a musical.

		There will be no musical.

			ARMANDINE
		Yes there will.

			MABEL
		No there won't.

			ARMANDINE
		Why not?
			MABEL
		Because you've got no money.

			ARMANDINE
		We're working on that.

			MABEL
		Snowflake in hell.

			JUNE
		There is some hope.

			MABEL
		(To ARMANDINE)  What are you up to?

			ARMANDINE
		Nothing.

			MABEL
		Come on -

She shakes ARMANDINE.

			JUNE
		Mabel...!

			MABEL
		(To JUNE)  How much have you given her?

			JUNE
		I'm proud and honoured to -

			MABEL
		How much?

			ARMANDINE
		Mind your own business.

			MABEL
		How much, June?

			JUNE
		Not enough, alas.

			MABEL
		So get out now before she sets fire to your place for the insurance - 

		- ah, been suggested already, I see.

			JUNE
		Only as a joke.

Silence.  MABEL looks from one to the other.

			MABEL
		Oh no.

		Not again.
		She hasn't.

		Don't you dare to tell me -

			ARMANDINE
		Shut up, it's no business of yours!

			MABEL
		(To JUNE)  She hasn't asked you to -

ARMANDINE makes to reply, JUNE restrains her.

			JUNE
		(To ARMANDINE)  Please.  

		(To MABEL)  Mabel, Armandine suggested that we sell my flat to finance Joan the Musical -

			MABEL
		June - DON'T!

			ARMANDINE
		It was a hideous bloody place - right by the railway!

			MABEL
		Was?  Did you say was?

			ARMANDINE
		Two guys from Clerkenwell moved in this morning.

			MABEL
		Fuck.

			ARMANDINE
		Why should she spend the rest of her life doing the draggy bits for people who know how to live!

			MABEL
		Fuck!

			ARMANDINE
		Where you sleep is not the point...

		ART is the point.

			GINGER
		(At the door)  Sorry - is this the place for the auditions?

			ARMANDINE
		Yes.

			MABEL
		No, shove off.

			GINGER
		OK.  (Goes.)

MABEL stands helpless as JUNE manhandles luggage to the upstage area.  ARMANDINE throws herself down on the sofa, puts her feet up.  JUNE passes MABEL timidly, exits.  MABEL turns to set upon ARMANDINE but the doorbell goes

			MABEL
		The audition's off! - oh, it's you, Amy.  How's Denis?

AMY squints up at the menu board.

			AMY
		(Shakes her head sadly)  I'll have the ding-dong.

		(Sits)  What is it?

			MABEL
		Rabbit.

			AMY
		Is it tame?

			MABEL
		It is now.

			AMY
		Only I don't want something that's died of something.

			MABEL
		I'll tell Ray.

		(She yells through the hatch)  One fur coat - ranch farmed.

JUNE returns with a bin-bag and books.  Again MABEL is deflected as a WOMAN, exotically dressed, with enormous rings and heavy necklaces, enters, opens her arms.  MABEL approaches and they embrace.

			MABEL
		Inez!  I thought you were in Hong-Kong!

ARMANDINE, on the sofa, looks over without favour.

			INEZ
		(Kisses MABEL)  Mwah!

		Ar-mand-ine!

			ARMANDINE
		Hi.

INEZ advances and embraces her.

			INEZ
		Let me look at you - my God!

			ARMANDINE
		(Sits up)  What?

			INEZ
		You have Neptune ascending!

			ARMANDINE
		What does that mean?

MABEL looks skywards and goes into the kitchen.

INEZ indicates for ARMANDINE to join her.  ARMANDINE comes and sits down.  INEZ sits across from her and takes her palm.  Silence.  Then she looks up.

			INEZ
		Be bold.  Be brave.  Risk all.  And who is this little beast?

			ARMANDINE
		This is June Rosten.  My producer.

			JUNE
		Hullo.

			INEZ
		Enchantée.  (To ARMANDINE)  You finished the musical?

			ARMANDINE
		All except the music.

			INEZ
		What mood do you want - tango is good.

			JUNE
		The play is about Joan of Arc.

			INEZ
		Oh - big fire!  I know just the guy - out next week.

MABEL appears with food for INEZ and AMY.

			INEZ
		(Sniffs appreciatively)  Mmm, and this is - ?

			MABEL
		Rabbit.  As chicken.

			INEZ
		Why?  Chicken is cheaper.

			MABEL
		Not if the rabbit's free.

		June, meet Inez.  Tell her everything.
			INEZ
		Trust me, I'm a woman.

			MABEL
		Not like that sod Bernard...well, actually he is a woman now.

			ARMANDINE
		No, that's his brother, Elaine.

INEZ stops eating and sits up with a spooky look on her face.

			MABEL
		Sssh...

			INEZ
		Has anybody...in this room...(she sways gently) ...been dreaming of Tom Cruise?

			JUNE
		Oh!  (They turn to her.)  Me...last night!

		That's amazing!

			INEZ
		Was he wearing Armani?

			JUNE
		I'm not sure.

			INEZ
		If he was you're due for a tax rebate.

GINGER appears at the door.

			GINGER
		Any chance of a job?

			MABEL
		(Without looking)  Yeah, go on - in there.

GINGER goes into the kitchen.  The doorbell goes.  It is PAM.  She looks round, glaring.

			MABEL
		He's not here.

			PAM
		What?

			MABEL
		He was here but he had to go, he wasn't feeling well.

		There was an accident.

			PAM
		(Livening up)  An accident!  What sort of accident?

			MABEL
		An explosion.

			PAM
		(Excited)  Who else was hurt?

			MABEL
		Only him.

			PAM
		What do you mean?

			MABEL
		There was another bloke but he was thrown clear.

PAM mutters, viciously, goes.

			INEZ
		Who was that?

			MABEL
		Pam - hairdresser.

			ARMANDINE
		Married to a sadist.

			MABEL
		Sadist!

			ARMANDINE
		She says he's an animal.

			MABEL
		The little guy with the glasses?  (She laughs.)

			INEZ
		(To MABEL)  Is it true?

		About the Biennale?

MABEL slides off the bar stool.

			MABEL
		D'you want to see the maquettes?

INEZ follows MABEL off right.  AMY takes out a blue plastic box, takes INEZ'S meat, puts it in the box and closes the lid.

			AMY
		(To JUNE)  For Denis.

She does up her coat and goes.  JUNE puts books away upstage.  ARMANDINE helps herself to a drink at the bar.  JUNE comes down to her, smiles.

			ARMANDINE
		What's up with you?

			JUNE
		I'm happy.

SCENE FIVE.

Tables have been put together.  Sitting at the new long table are ARMANDINE, in a visor, MABEL and JUNE.

			MABEL
		(Shouts)  Next!

REENY, young, enters.  She stands, smiling cheerfully.

			MABEL
		Name?

			REENY
		(Scottish accent)  Reeny Bligh.

			MABEL
		OK, Reeny - when you're ready.

			REENY
		(Takes a fighting stance)  The quality of mercy is not strained -

She does the whole speech as a screaming row, ending on a yell.  A stunned silence.

			MABEL
		Yes - well - thanks.

			REENY
		I'm a dancer as well.

			MABEL
		Great - we'll be in touch.

REENY gives a cheeky salute and goes.

Another WOMAN enters.  She takes several deep breaths then begins to sing "Thy hand, Belinda" from Dido and Aeneas in a deep contralto.  Gets to "When I am la-id, Am la-ai-ai-ai-ai-d - "

			ARMANDINE
		Thank you!

			JUNE
		Thank you so much.

The WOMAN, unplacated, leaves.

A SMALL FLUFFY GIRL in white boots enters.

			MABEL
		Suzy, hi!

			SUZY
		Hi, Mabel - haven't seen you since Private Lives with you-know-who.

			MABEL
		(Laughs)  I hear we lost him over the balcony in Brighton.

			SUZY
		Eliot once, Amanda twice.

			MABEL
		Buttheads.

			SUZY
		Yeah, no idea about stress-factors.

ARMANDINE leans over, hands SUZY a script.

			ARMANDINE
		Do you want to -

			SUZY
		Oh I don't read.

			MABEL
		Sure...It's just that it would help the producer and writer -

			SUZY
		My agent says no.

			MABEL
		Good.

		Right.

		No - great.

		Well, lovely to see you, Suze.

She escorts SUZY to the exit.  JUNE looks baffled.

			ARMANDINE
		(Explains to JUNE)  She's got a sit-com.

A WOMAN in flowing grey top and trousers enters.  She stands very still for a long moment then goes into mime, swooping, with every now and then a sudden hop and loud squeak, catching them out every time.  She finishes, holds an esoteric pose.

			MABEL
		Well - ah - thank you ah - (consults her list) - Schwarja.

SCHWARJA speaks gravely in Albanian for sometime, then backs out with long, stylish strides.

			ARMANDINE
		I thought she was good.

			MABEL
		(Quickly)  Next!

There is no response.

			MABEL
		Next!

JUNE rises and goes out of the door.  Returns at once.

			JUNE
		There's no-one there.

MABEL, surprised, looks at her list - then screws it up and throws it away.

			MABEL
		The word's gone round.

			ARMANDINE
		What word?

			MABEL
		That it's a co-op.  (Explaining to JUNE)  No wages, split the profits.

			ARMANDINE
		Is that it?  We've seen everybody?

			MABEL
		Yup.

			JUNE
		(To MABEL)  What about the dark girl yesterday?

			ARMANDINE
		Boss-eyed, we'd get laughs.  (To MABEL)  Trish Johnson?

			MABEL
		On smack.

			ARMANDINE
		I know - Luchina!

			MABEL
		Pregnant.

			ARMANDINE
		That's all right, she always drops them in the third month.

			MABEL
		No, she's - (indicates a big belly) -

Silence.

			ARMANDINE
		You'll have to do something!

		We're running out of time!
GINGER in her kitchen apron, enters from the kitchen, stands by the bar.

			GINGER
		Excuse me -

They look up.

			ARMANDINE
		Not now, we're auditioning.

			GINGER
		Yes.  Can I read?  My stage name is Ginger McBride.

			MABEL
		Who looks after you?

			GINGER
		I'm between agents at the moment.

			ARMANDINE
		We're wasting time.

But MABEL hands GINGER a script.  GINGER looks awkward.

			GINGER
		Do you mind if I busk this?

			ARMANDINE
		Oh for Christ's sake...

			GINGER
		I'm dyslexic.

			MABEL
		Carry on...in your own time.

Silence.  GINGER lowers her head.

			GINGER
		(In a low voice)  I don't want to be married.

		(She looks upwards)  I Can't be a wife...I'm not bleeding yet.

		(She begins to move, agitated.)  Tell me what to do.  Yesterday water danced on the ceiling, plates flew like birds - 

		- someone will be hurt!

		Please...they'll tie me down for a madwoman!

		(She kneels, hands clasped, looks upwards)  Oh Mary, Mother of God -

		Is it because I'm disobedient?

Silence.  JUNE gazes at her.  ARMANDINE frowns, tapping a pen.
			ARMANDINE
		That's not in my script.

			GINGER
		No.  Sorry.  I just...felt my way into her.

			MABEL
		Right.  You play Joan.

			ARMANDINE
		Hang on!

			MABEL
		Ditch the apron, rehearsal in ten minutes.

They go.  INEZ and AMY enter, AMY carrying a large covered object with a handle which she puts behind the table.  She and INEZ sit across from each other.

			INEZ
		How's Ally?

			AMY
		Doing well!

			INEZ
		Working?

			AMY
		No, she don't believe in it.  We're not speaking.

			INEZ
		Oh?  Why?

			AMY
		I asked her to borrow me a dress.

			INEZ
		And?

			AMY
		She told me to get lost.

			INEZ
		You spoil those children.

			AMY
		They're only young once...anyway, Lance's trip to Sri Lanka was business.  He's offered me his time-share - off-season of course, I get a better rate, he says.

INEZ gestures.  AMY holds out her hand for a reading.  INEZ studies her palm.

			INEZ
		You're going on a long journey.

			AMY
		Alaska?

			INEZ
		Mmm...

			AMY
		The Falklands!

			INEZ
		Possibly.  Or it might be a spiritual journey.

			AMY
		Like when I used to lie in bed dreaming of where I'd like Frank to go.

			INEZ
		He gave you a bad time?

			AMY
		Oh yes.  Lying under that duvet next to a man with the same face as your own children.

			INEZ
		Horrible.

			AMY
		I was glad when he started bringing her back and I had to sleep downstairs listening to thump-thump all night.

			INEZ
		You put up with that?

			AMY
		I had the kids.

		He said, if you don't like it, leave.

		I said, I'm not leaving, you leave.

			INEZ
		And did he?

			AMY
		Bringing that creature into my kitchen.

		I wasn't having that.

		I said, get out.

		He said no, you get out.

		So I knifed him.

			INEZ
		You knifed him?

			AMY
		Yes.

			INEZ
		You killed him?

			AMY
		No!  Missed his heart by nearly an inch.

			INEZ
		Where is he now?

			AMY
		Living with a lady down the road.

			INEZ
		So you see him?

			AMY
		Oh yes.

			INEZ
		You don't mind?

			AMY
		No-o - she can look after all that.  He comes in for his washing.

			INEZ
		You're better off on your own.  How is Denis - still on the tablets?

A dreadful howling, making INEZ jump.

			INEZ
		Great Heaven - he is dying?

			AMY
		Either that or he wants his dinner.

She reaches under the table for Denis in his cat cage, looks in the cage. 

			AMY
		He wants his dinner.  (She goes, with Denis.)

			INEZ
		(Calls)  I'll do his crystals.

Pause.  INEZ sits, reflective.

PAM enters.  She looks around.

			PAM
		Where is everybody?

			INEZ
		Rehearsing.  Sit down, I'll get you a drink.

			PAM
		No thanks - 

		- oh all right, I'll have a gin and pineapple.  (INEZ, at the bar, winces but brings the drink.)

			INEZ
		I was sorry to hear about your husband.

			PAM
		Yeah.

			INEZ
		Must have been a terrible shock.

			PAM
		Yeah.

			INEZ
		Were you close?

			PAM
		No.

			INEZ
		No?

			PAM
		He wasn't what you'd call a good hubby - but there you go.

			INEZ
		Did he leave you provided for?

			PAM
		Oh yeah.

			INEZ
		I hear he had a small business.

			PAM
		Yeah.

			INEZ
		Life insurance?

			PAM
		Oh yeah.  Is that toilet working?

INEZ nods.  PAM goes.

Music.  INEZ sits, thoughtful, then dives in her bag, takes out a black book, makes notes.

MABEL, JUNE and ARMANDINE enter.  MABEL fetches beers.  INEZ moves up for JUNE.

			JUNE
		Inez, Ginger is wonderful.

			ARMANDINE
		She's not a name!

			MABEL
		(Returning with beers)  She will be.

They drink.  MABEL looks at a magazine.

			MABEL
		Shit.

			ARMANDINE
		(Looks over her shoulder)  An ad for a shower, so what?

			MABEL
		Using starving people to flaunt a woman's ass so that greedy bastards can sell eyesores to buy customised life-styles - !

GINGER enters.

			GINGER
		Oh look, my bum.  I won a plaque for that.

			ARMANDINE
		Guess what was on it!

			GINGER
		Would you believe a robin on a waterfall?

			ARMANDINE
		No.

			MABEL
		OK?

MABEL, ARMANDINE, JUNE and GINGER go.  PAM returns.

			PAM
		That toilet is still on the blink.

SCENE SIX.

MABEL enters, makes herself comfortable on a bar stool, dials.

			MABEL
		Maurice?

		Maurice - just to remind you to buy the rose-pink nail varnish - a soft warm pink like the inside of a shell, pearly for choice, and put it on your toes for me, will you do that?

		Catch you later, sweetie.

She redials.

			MABEL
		Hullo.  Barry, is that you?

		You wretch, you piece of slime, you're not fit to walk this earth.  Get down on your knees you piece of dirt - are you ready for punishment?  You're going to get it, my lad, and when your bottom's raw and red hot - 

		- red hot, Barry - ah - 

		- do you know where you're going?  Into the cupboard under the stairs where it's - 

		(She consults a big red book frantically, licking her finger and turning the pages) - where it's all - you know, it's all dark and smells of (finds her place) Mothballs and Sweaty Boots and there's no light and you're trapped - (she slams down the 'phone as AMY enters.)  Wrong number.

			AMY
		Tch, I know.  I got Buckingham Palace the other day...well I think it was Buckingham Palace, they put me on hold.

AMY sits, takes off her gloves, and stays comfortably doing nothing.  MABEL appears with food.

			MABEL
		(Whispers in AMY'S ear)  Venison.

			AMY
		You never.

			MABEL
		Road-kill.  (Goes.)

AMY looks down at her plate doubtfully.  she lifts the venison on her fork, decides against it, reaches into her bag for her doggy box and shoves in the lot.  MABEL returns.

			MABEL
		OK?
			AMY
		Yes thank you.

			MABEL
		How's Denis - still convalescing?

			AMY
		In a way.  Any news about Pam?

			MABEL
		Yeah, she got probate, sold the business, moved in with a pet-shop owner.

ARMANDINE and JUNE enter.

			MABEL
		Hi!

			AMY
		You're back!

One look at their faces tells MABEL that all is not well.  She indicates the bar, for a drink.

			ARMANDINE
		Food.

MABEL goes into the kitchen.

			AMY
		I hear you've been doing a show.

			JUNE
		Yes.

			AMY
		Where was it, the West End?

			JUNE
		The Edinburgh Festival.

			AMY
		Ooh, that sounds jolly.  (She waves and goes.)

MABEL enters with a glass jug of carrot and celery sticks.  She bangs them down in front of ARMANDINE.

			ARMANDINE
		What's this?

			MABEL
		Carrots and celery sticks.

		Ray's new date's a diet freak.

			ARMANDINE
		(To MABEL)  Miranda?

MABEL nods.  ARMANDINE scowls, but eats.  JUNE shakes her head.
			MABEL
		So?

		What happened?

		Fire?  Flood?

		You were booked for eighteen performances, what went wrong?

			JUNE
		Empty houses.

			MABEL
		But you spent a fortune on fliers, posters - that PR prick.

			JUNE
		A waste of money, I'm afraid.  There was so much competition, Mabel!

			MABEL
		How long did you - ?

			JUNE
		Three nights.

			MABEL
		Three?  How many were in?

			JUNE
		Three people at the first performance.  Including me.  Two at the second -

			MABEL
		Including you.

			JUNE
		Just me for the third.

			MABEL
		Yow.

			ARMANDINE
		Is that pisshouse still out of order?

			MABEL
		Ray fixed it.

ARMANDINE goes.

			JUNE
		Mabel, I'm at my wit's end.  Armandine's in a dreadful state.  She's in torment -

ARMANDINE returns.

			ARMANDINE
		Did you know the ballcock's still on the blink?

		I am fucking starving.  (She crosses, lifts the hatch.)

			MABEL
		Don't, if you want to live - June -

JUNE nods, goes into the kitchen.

			MABEL
		OK, buster, so what's with the number?

			ARMANDINE
		Sod off.

			MABEL
		Don't tell me you haven't cleaned her out yet.  Try slashing your wrists, the bandages usually work.

			ARMANDINE
		Sod - off.

			MABEL
		For once in your life you meet a decent woman...

		... somebody worthwhile -

			ARMANDINE
		My relationships have nothing to do with you.

			MABEL
		You wouldn't know a relationship if it smashed you in the face, you exploitative bitch.

			ARMANDINE
		There happens to be more than one form of generosity.

			MABEL
		(Mock-dim)  Duh?

			ARMANDINE
		Incomprehensible as that may be to the Shepherd's Bush mentalities of this world -

			MABEL
		What have you given her?

			ARMANDINE
		(In a rage)  I am NOT a dealer!

		I do NOT connote relationships in terms of transaction!

			MABEL
		That's a laugh.

			ARMANDINE
		I happen to be extremely emotionally generous. 

		To the point of penury.

			MABEL
		What the hell is that supposed to mean?

Silence.

			MABEL
		What are you going to do?

		I see.

		You're going to bugger off.

		After she's handed over her bank balance and the dough from her flat, and, no doubt, anything else that wasn't nailed down.

		You'll break her fucking heart.

They turn.  JUNE is there.  She crosses to the door.

			ARMANDINE
		Where are you going?

			JUNE
		To bring the bags in.

SCENE SEVEN.

A surge of Wagner from the kitchen.  MABEL, in welding gear, crosses from back door to the kitchen.  The Wagner stops.  MABEL crosses back again, pausing to extricate ARMANDINE'S lifted hand from the maquette she has been playing with, using a tool from her belt, exits.

ARMANDINE flicks through a magazine.

			JUNE
		(At the kitchen door)  Summer pudding?

			ARMANDINE
		A tin of grey raspberries and some fucking prunes, do me a favour.

JUNE disappears, reappears with two mugs of coffee.  ARMANDINE grabs hers, adds a slug of whisky.

			ARMANDINE
		It was the wrong gig!

		All those draggy hip-hop comedy acts!

		What I wrote was poetry!

		I write a piece of epic poetry and what do I get as a debut?  A stinking rat-hole over a greasy karaoke and micro-wave pub full of inebriated scrotum Scotchmen.

			JUNE
		My dear.  I am so sorry.

			ARMANDINE
		What good is that?

			JUNE
		No help at all.

She sits, head bent.  ARMANDINE relents slightly.

			ARMANDINE
		At least you can say that you were, for a brief moment, a small cog in the life of an artist.

		You brushed, infinitesimally, against the universe of the imagination.

			JUNE
		If you knew how grateful I am.

		I didn't exist before I knew you.

			ARMANDINE
		Well don't get too invested.

			JUNE
		I'm afraid it's rather late for that.

			ARMANDINE
		Tough titty.

Silence.

			JUNE
		(Low)  I've been expecting it.

		You're a Bohemian.

		An artist.

		How can you want to spend your life with someone who earns a living avoiding tax for people who exploit other people and then sneer at them for being losers?

			ARMANDINE
		Zizi to that.

		What I want is to make enough money for you to do MY tax evasion.  Bugger Bohemia.

			JUNE
		God, I admire you!

ARMANDINE knocks back the whisky, lies back, aware of JUNE'S rapt gaze.

			JUNE
		You're a sensuous woman.

		You need colour, light, warmth - 

		- exotic surroundings -

ARMANDINE preens, picks up the magazine.  JUNE leans against the bookcase, glass in hand, gazing at her.

			JUNE
		The setting?

		A pleasantly furnished apartment somewhere in Kensington...(ARMANDINE looks up)

		Hampstead?

			ARMANDINE
		Notting Hill.

			JUNE
		Notting Hill.  The odd mellow antique, a fine oil painting...Persian rugs, their colours faded by years of sunlight...

		...and the sofa - 

		- what secrets could those silken cushions not reveal - 

		- what, he asked himself as he savoured the subtly feminine atmosphere, the flavour of something withheld, something devious even, of this dark-eyed maroon crystal of a woman -

		-  what could those shy faded roses not betray if...

ARMANDINE turns a page.

			JUNE
		She turns a page...white hand on the inky leather, hair loose, silky gown alive in the firelight, her mouth parting slightly as she pants, despite herself, at the fiery force of the story, by the strange compulsion of the tale - 

		- HIS tale -

		- written in the hard white hills of the Extramadura during that long, hot summer - what?  (As ARMANDINE leaps up and knocks her sideways.)

			ARMANDINE
		(Searching)  Where the fuck are they?

		The batteries, for the tape recorder!

			JUNE
		What for?

			ARMANDINE
		I - am going to write a novel!

SCENE EIGHT.

INEZ sitting.  PAM enters, takes off her jacket, hangs it on the back of the chair.

			INEZ
		How's the bird-seed man?

			PAM
		In receivership.  (Sits)  I've just off-loaded the stock.

			INEZ
		What about him?

			PAM
		What do you think?

INEZ lays out the Tarot.

			PAM
		What's it say?

			INEZ
		You're going to meet someone.

			PAM
		Already have.

			INEZ
		Well - be careful.  The card of mistakes - you don't want another loser.

		What's he like, the new man?

			PAM
		Three.

			INEZ
		Three men?

			PAM
		(Counts on her fingers)  Big Jeff - works on an oil-rig, makes a packet, away a lot.

			INEZ
		Hmm.  (She turns a card.)

			PAM
		Little Arnold.

			INEZ
		Not Little Arnold?

			PAM
		You know him?

			INEZ
		Taught him everything he knows, we worked the pyramid scams together.
		What's he doing now?

			PAM
		He's got this loft in Stepney - Remake Your Life in Five Days.  They're gasping for it - cabinet ministers, newsreaders - the lot.

			INEZ
		I'll give him a call.  Oh I don't know - not really a stayer, Arnold.

		Who else?

			PAM
		Some old geezer with a mansion.

			INEZ
		How old?

			PAM
		Seventies.  Bad heart.

			INEZ
		You can outlast everybody with a heart these days.  Overweight?

			PAM
		No, wiry.

			INEZ
		There you go.  (She turns a card.)

			PAM
		What does it say?

			INEZ
		Proceed with caution.

MABEL enters.

			MABEL
		Ready?

			INEZ
		(To PAM)  We're going to the theatre, want to come?

			PAM
		No, it does my head in.

She grabs her shoulder bag and goes.

SCENE NINE.

MABEL, JUNE, ARMANDINE and INEZ sit in a row in the dark.  GINGER enters the lighted area in a late nineteenth century blue dress.  She looks beautiful.

			GINGER
		You've never wanted to know the first thing about me.

		I've been misled.

		First by my Father and then by you.  I was handed over from my father's house to your house.

		This isn't my home.

		Everything here is yours.  You pay the bills so it belongs to you - you pay, so we like what you like, think what you think, believe what you tell us to believe.

		I am a beggar, a performer, doing tricks for my bed and board.

		Yes - I borrowed money behind your back, without your permission.

		For you.

		I did it for you.

		You were ill!!

		If Father had lived he'd have signed the note for me, I only did what he would have wanted.  And now that you know everything, have you given me one moment's thought?

		No.

		You have not.

		All that concerns you is your reputation, your standing.

			GINGER  (Cont'd)
		Only now, now that your precious position is secure, are you prepared to `forgive' me.  I am to be allowed to be the doll again.  The plaything.  With, no doubt, a few more layers of tissue to `protect' me.

		Protect me from what?

		From whom?

		I have had three children by you!

		My God, I could tear my womb out thinking about it.

SCENE TEN.

INEZ, MABEL and GINGER enter.

			GINGER
		Mabel, it might as well be a tour of the Outer Hebrides - scout huts, crypts and abandoned warehouses as far as I can see.

			MABEL
		Who cares?  Puts your face and name around.

			INEZ
		You were wonderful, Ginger.

		In one year - a movie star.

			GINGER
		(Laughs)  Yeah?

JUNE and ARMANDINE enter.

			ARMANDINE
		Wait till you hear this.

		(She brandishes a letter.)  My book's being published!

			MABEL
		You're kidding.

			GINGER
		That's great!

			INEZ
		Marvellous!

			MABEL
		Champagne!

As the others move to the bar, PAM enters.

			INEZ
		Armandine's book has been accepted.

			PAM
		Book?

			INEZ
		She's written a book.

			PAM
		Tell me about it.

			ARMANDINE
		I've written a book and it's been accepted -

			JUNE
		- by Bloomsbury!
			MABEL
		(Opens champagne)  Jesus!

			ARMANDINE
		To the bitch goddess - Success!

			ALL
		Cheers!  Armandine!  To Armandine!

			ARMANDINE
		Wait till you hear the size of the advance!

			INEZ
		How much?  (ARMANDINE whispers in her ear.  INEZ, shaken, sits.)  Diabolo.  (She whispers the amount to PAM.)

			PAM
		What?!

		How long does it take to write a book?

ARMANDINE digs MABEL triumphantly in the ribs.

			MABEL
		Yeah, great.  (She moves to JUNE, takes her aside.)  Why is the book in Mog's name?

			JUNE
		It's what she wanted.

			MABEL
		Are you nuts, she didn't write it, you wrote it!  Have you got a contract for the dough?

			JUNE
		She's promised to share.

			MABEL
		Don't bet on that.

			INEZ
		Armandine!  Beautiful cash!  What are you going to spend it on?

			ARMANDINE
		What do you think!  Clothes...Paris...more clothes -

			JUNE
		- Venice, for the Tintorettos.  (ARMANDINE flicks her a cool look.)

			GINGER
		Wow! - you'll have a great time, you two.

ARMANDINE walks away.

			MABEL
		What's it called, Mog?  (ARMANDINE looks at her.)  The book.

			ARMANDINE
		June - what's it called?

			JUNE
		Sorry?

			ARMANDINE
		The book, what's it called?

			JUNE
		The Witch Hazel Tree.

			MABEL
		(Lifts her glass)  Here's to literature!

			ALL
		To The Witch Hazel Tree!  To Armandine!  To The Witch Hazel Tree!

ACT TWO.

SCENE ONE.

The cafe.  Upstage has been cleared of Armandine and June's occupation.  The big metal sculpture has gone, there is a de Lempicka picture, and the tablecloths are different, with a fresher, more modern feel.

Voices outside the window.  Fireworks can be seen and heard.

MABEL and AMY enter, followed by INEZ and PAM.  They sit and start and barrack.

			ALL
		Come on - come on - come on - come on -

GINGER enters from kitchen wearing a Swedish crown with candles.  She carries a huge white snowy cake with sparklers.  Cheers and laughter.  MABEL dives behind the sofa, reappears with two enormous rockets.  They follow her off, with the cake, laughing and cheering.  AMY remains in her seat.

The rockets go off.  They return, and sit about, with drinks and snacks.  AMY, sitting apart, looks odd.

			MABEL
		(Whispers to GINGER)  Denis is dead.

			GINGER
		What?  Not Denis?

She leans to PAM.

			GINGER
		Denis - kkk.  (Finger across her throat.)

			PAM
		I know.

			GINGER
		How d'he die?

			PAM
		Fell over.

			GINGER
		(Rises, glass in hand.)  To Denis!

Murmurs of "Denis".

			AMY
		Who?

			INEZ
		So Ginger, what is happening for you?

			GINGER
		Not a lot.  I was offered Spirit of the Night in Ali Baba -

			INEZ
		No luck?

			GINGER
		- couldn't raise the psychic energy.

			INEZ
		You will be famous.

			GINGER
		If you say so, Inez.

			INEZ
		Very soon.  Come for a session.

			GINGER
		Session?

			MABEL
		Pam and Inez are in business together.  Consulting - in Stepney.

			INEZ
		Pam was left this loft.  

		(To GINGER)  D'you fancy to do some drama therapy, thirty euros an hour and bus fares?

			GINGER
		Sure if it's not too physical.  I don't want to come to bodily harm.

			PAM
		(Menacing)  What?

MABEL relaxes on the sofa.

			MABEL
		Bloody strap iron.

		Burnt my bloody eyebrows twice last week, and tonight.

			GINGER
		That was the sparklers.

			MABEL
		I think I'll try things that melt, or fly round the room.

		It's either that or grow my own basil.

GINGER, leaning back against the sofa, looks up at MABEL.

			GINGER
		You always want to sculpt, Mabel?

			MABEL
		Nah.

			GINGER
		What did you want?

			MABEL
		To be rich, beautiful and mysterious.

			GINGER
		Yeah.

PAM rises, exits to the loo.

			GINGER
		She's never out of the bog, what's she on?  (To MABEL)  So, how did you get from art school to New Age to set designer to metal sculpture?

			MABEL
		A guy called Brian.

			GINGER
		?

			MABEL
		We were arguing.  I said "For Christ's sakes, Brian - two and two make four."

			GINGER
		And?

			MABEL
		And he said "Not necessarily."  He was a mathematician from Cambridge.

			GINGER
		And that made you change your life?

			MABEL
		I picked up a chisel the same day, didn't I, Amy?

			AMY
		(Sadly)  In a way.

PAM returns from the lavatory.

			INEZ
		OK?

			MABEL
		Feeling better?
			PAM
		What's that supposed to mean?

			INEZ
		Pam's had a lot of stress.

			GINGER
		Try weight-lifting.

			MABEL
		Yeah, lifts you up when you're down...

			GINGER
		...and ace for toning.

			PAM
		(To GINGER)  Did anyone ever tell you you need a nose job?

			GINGER
		What?

		(She looks round.)  I don't need a nose job.

		(No response.)  Do I?

They all avoid her glance.

			GINGER
		You bastards.

She rises, puts on Let's Face the Music and Dance and dances a slow fox-trot.

JUNE enters.  She stands by the door, looking white and thin.

			MABEL
		June!

SCENE TWO.

Music - Grieg.  The sofa has a pillow and duvet, half-off.  MABEL, crossing from studio to kitchen, tidies it, exits to kitchen.  Music turned off.

JUNE enters from the bathroom in a man's dressing gown.  She seems disorientated.  MABEL enters at her usual speed with coffee.  She points firmly to a chair.  JUNE sits.  MABEL pours, drinks, indicates for JUNE to drink.  JUNE sips.

			MABEL
		What happened?  I rang your office, they said you were taking a sabbatical.

		Were you taking a sabbatical?

			JUNE
		No.

Silence.

			MABEL
		June?

			JUNE
		I thought it was the weather.

		I was opening the mail.  In the office.  Then...

MABEL waits.

			JUNE
		It was as if somebody opened the door, pushed in a hoover and sucked out all the air.  Everything went - grotesque.  They were all out there - I was in some other dimension.

			MABEL
		Panic attack.  What did you do?

			JUNE
		Put on my coat and left.

			MABEL
		Where did you go?

			JUNE
		I walked along to the Little Venice canal, and looked at the houseboats.  Then I threw my handbag in.

			MABEL
		In the water?

			JUNE
		Yes.

			MABEL
		Why?

			JUNE
		I don't know.

			MABEL
		Did you fish it out?

			JUNE
		(Shakes her head)  No, it sank.

			MABEL
		And then?

			JUNE
		I walked onto the Westway flyover.

			MABEL
		What for?

			JUNE
		I don't know, Mabel.  I just walked out into the road and sat down.

			MABEL
		In the middle of the traffic?

			JUNE
		Yes.

			MABEL
		Were you killed?

This gets a small smile from JUNE.

			JUNE
		No, but a lorry driver beat me up.

			MABEL
		The bastard.

			JUNE
		It was my fault.  I bent his lorry.

Silence.  MABEL waits.

			JUNE
		I've been in a clinic.  For depression - well - that's what they call it.

			MABEL
		What do you call it?

			JUNE
		Amertume.

			MABEL
		?

			JUNE
		Bitterness.  Truffant approved of amertume.  He said it was proof of genuine feeling.  (Slight pause)  Have you ever been in love, Mabel?

			MABEL
		No.  Who's been looking after you?  (JUNE does not reply.)  The company - have they been all right?

Silence.

			JUNE
		I've been let go.

			MABEL
		The bastards!

			JUNE
		Yes.  I was surprised.

			MABEL
		Sue them.

			JUNE
		With what?

			MABEL
		Legal Aid?

JUNE shakes her head.

			JUNE
		I haven't the energy, Mabel.

			MABEL
		Well, you're going to have to find some, cock.  I need help.  Ray's walked out.

			JUNE
		With Miranda?

			MABEL
		Uhuh - she's toast.  Ray's offshore - working the oil-rigs with a mate of Pam's.

			JUNE
		Not Big Jeff?

			MABEL
		The same.

			JUNE
		I thought he fell off.

			MABEL
		So did Pam - bit of a set-back there.  Can you cook?

			JUNE
		Not really - well, I can do brandade de morue aux champignons a poivre but that's all.

			MABEL
		You're on.

They laugh.

			MABEL
		Honestly, I could do with some company.  Amy's cat died, Pam's gone weird, Inez is on the blag, Ginger's on tour - stay?

			JUNE
		Thank you.

Pause.

			JUNE
		(Low)  Has she been in?

			MABEL
		What do you think?

		That book - YOUR book - was on the best-seller list for fifteen weeks!  She's sold the film rights for two million dollars!

			JUNE
		I heard that.

			MABEL
		And you wonder why you're depressed!

		Do you know what depression is?

		It's resentment!

Silence.

			JUNE
		Mabel, I did it for her.

		For the excitement, the money, people making a fuss of her.

		That's why I did it.

		I don't want to be famous!  There's too much of that and it's poison - people being done out of their own lives by wanting other people's.

			MABEL
		I'd rather be rich and unhappy than poor and unhappy.

			JUNE
		Oh Mabel, it's wonderful to see you!  How's work?

			MABEL
		I've been in Poland looking at Magdalena - Magdalena Abacanowicz.  Jaroselski banned her from working so she made sculptures out of paper that could be folded up.

		I'm scrapping the metal.

			JUNE
		Why?

			MABEL
		The men are getting intimidated.

			JUNE
		I thought you didn't like men.

			MABEL
		Men - women - what's the difference...

		Not dogs.  You can't be sure they're not in it for their own selfish ends.

			JUNE
		(Laughs)  That's canine slander, anyway I don't think it applies just to dogs - oh Mabel, you do talk rubbish.

SCENE THREE.

AMY enters.  She looks sad.  She sits down, her handbag on her lap.  She looks up as JUNE pokes her head out of the kitchen door.

			JUNE
		Morning, Amy.

AMY smiles.  JUNE writes "Boeuf Bourgignon" on the board.

			JUNE
		All right?

			AMY
		(Nods)  I'll have the boo - the boo -

But she bursts into tears and heart-breaking sobs.  JUNE puts an arm about her, leads her into the kitchen.

Pause.

ARMANDINE enters.  She is dressed in a Versace suit, with expensive shoes, Gucci bag and a hat.  She is followed by her (American) manager, MARVENNA, who wears pinstripe.

			ARMANDINE
		(Entering)  Voila!

		(She looks round.)  This café, Marvenna, was once an important part of my life.

			MARVENNA
		(Looks round without enthusiasm)  Really?  I guess it has a certain something, in a passé sort of way.

			ARMANDINE
		Of course the whole place slipped after I left - I was pretty much the leading light - OK, it's a rest-home for failures these days but the memories linger on.  This place is like the Dome - the Cafe Floro - Greenwich Village - cognoscenti created themselves here.

			MARVENNA
		(With notebook)  Names?

			ARMANDINE
		(Points)  Salman sat there - complained about the curry - (points)  Julian Barnes - (swivels and points) McEwan, Marina Warner - (points in the corner) Muriel Spark - sweet woman.  There was an old Bechstein grand - Ashkenazy rehearsed on it, loves its bell tone.  I'm talking about the days before the sofa.
			MARVENNA
		Hey, is that it?  The sofa?  THE sofa?  From the book?

			ARMANDINE
		My lips are sealed.

She walks about.

			ARMANDINE
		(Sighs)  The caravan moves on.

			MARVENNA
		Maybe not.

		This could be a good place for a shoot.  Yeah Magazine are busting our balls for a piece.

ARMANDINE pulls a face.

			ARMANDINE
		Really?  It's hardly moi any more.

			MARVENNA
		But part of your shtick.

		Fresh icon time.

		Let's face it, both Germaine and Fay need new hairstyles.

			ARMANDINE
		I don't know.  Yeah's pretty down-market.

			MARVENNA
		Sales want us to cover the waterfront.

		They're doing Joan Collins.

			ARMANDINE
		Oh well...OK.

			MARVENNA
		This place'll be fine - put in some glitz, a few talking points - maybe bring in a sex god - Johnny Depp, Antonio Banderas - (she looks at her watch) -

		- we're running behind schedule.

She shepherds ARMANDINE to the door, consults her pad.

			ARMANDINE
		Where next?

			MARVENNA
		The boat on the canal where you lived with Ted Hughes.

They go.  The telephone rings.  JUNE enters.

			JUNE
		Hullo?  Ginger, hullo!  Oh Ginger...oh, Ginger!  When do you - where - ?

		And then?

		Oh, Ginger - Ginger, don't worry - the camera loves you!

		Wow...Paris...then - wow!

		Be calm - yes, I will...

		...and to you...

		...and thanks for calling!

She puts down the telephone and goes into the kitchen.  Shrieks of joy.

SCENE FOUR.

INEZ and PAM enter.  INEZ has a bulging briefcase.  She pulls out a chair for PAM, sits down, opens the briefcase and takes out a heavy folder.

			INEZ
		Right.

She uncorks a pen, holds it out to PAM.  Who looks baffled.

			PAM
		What?

			INEZ
		You have to sign.

			PAM
		Sign what?

			INEZ
		These papers.

			PAM
		What for?

			INEZ
		So we're in business.  You and me.

She puts the pen in PAM'S hand.

			INEZ
		Dead simple.  You sign here - (PAM signs.)
		And here - (PAM signs.)
		And here - (PAM signs.)
		And here - (PAM signs.)
		And here - (PAM signs.)
		And over there - (PAM signs.)
		And your initials here.

			PAM
		What for?

			INEZ
		So it's all yours!

PAM signs her initials.  INEZ gathers the contracts together, puts them in the briefcase and does it up.

			INEZ
		Now we're on a proper footing.  And you are chairman and main shareholder of inshore and offshore companies.

		Gin and pineapple?

But PAM picks up her bag and goes off to the lavatory.  INEZ hums to herself.  MABEL crosses carrying a large roll of fabric under each arm.

			MABEL
		Hi.

			INEZ
		Hi.

INEZ picks up her briefcase, starts to go.  Changes her mind.  Waits for PAM.  PAM totters out.  INEZ guides her out of the door.

SCENE FIVE.

The doorbell.  JUNE manhandles a large box and MABEL arrives in time to help her unpack it onto the desk upstage.  They take out a computer.  JUNE picks up the instructions.

Music montage as JUNE then MABEL reads the instructions.  Light changes as each bends over the machine.  They stand back, baffled - then lean over together - one holds the instructions, then the other.

MABEL, losing her rag, grabs the instructions from JUNE.  Then JUNE walks about downstage with the instructions.  Both sit.  Music picks up.  MABEL, with rapid movements, assembles.  JUNE sits, tries, it doesn't work.  MABEL sits, tries, no go.  JUNE looks at instructions - fiddles, sits.  It works.  The Hallelujah Chorus.

			MABEL
		Fan-tastic.

She claps a hand on JUNE'S shoulder as AMY enters.

			MABEL
		Amy, what can I get for you?

			AMY
		A glass of water, please.

JUNE and MABEL exchange a glance.  MABEL gets it from the bar.  AMY drinks it and goes.

SCENE SIX.

JUNE, alone at the computer, works rapidly.

Downstage MABEL assembles a woman's shape made of wire, begins to cover it with fabric.

MABEL starts to whistle.  JUNE turns, MABEL stops whistling.

They work.

			MABEL
		How's it going?

			JUNE
		Fine.

			MABEL
		And this book is yours.

		Under your name.

		You get the dosh.

			JUNE
		Possibly.

			MABEL
		Come on.

			JUNE
		Mabel - 

		Witch Hazel was a success because of Armandine.

		I'm not front of house, I'm strictly back room.

		Can you see me on the circuit?

			MABEL
		Force yourself.

			JUNE
		That's a laugh, coming from you.

		What's the point of not exhibiting?

		Is this all just for yourself?

			MABEL
		Am I a wank, you mean.

			JUNE
		If you want to put it like that.

		You do things - but you don't want anyone else to know.  You don't want to share.

INEZ enters in a hurry.
			INEZ
		Quick!  (They turn, startled.)  I've got Pam outside in the Corolla -

They exit.  A pause.

ARMANDINE enters, in another couture suit and an elegant hat.  MARVENNA has a camera and starts to take shots.  ARMANDINE is nervous.

			ARMANDINE
		Are you sure about this?

			MARVENNA
		I'm thinking Seventies Retro - maybe kaftans -

			ARMANDINE
		Kaftans?

			MARVENNA
		In Art Deco prints - (she points to MABEL'S sculpture) -

The door is banged open.  MABEL and INEZ enter, supporting the inert PAM.  They stop short.

			MABEL
		For fucking fuck of a fuck's sake.

They dump PAM on a chair.

			ARMANDINE
		Hi.

		We thought we'd put you on the map.

MABEL steps up to ARMANDINE.

And spits in her face.

			MARVENNA
		Now just a minute -

But the doorbell goes.  JUNE enters.  She stares at ARMANDINE.

			ARMANDINE
		Hi.

JUNE stares at her.

			ARMANDINE
		I heard you were in Wales.

			MABEL
		You heard right.

		In the bin.

		With no home, no job, and no money.

		And nothing - nothing left to sell.

		Thanks to you.

Silence.

			ARMANDINE
		Marvenna, do you have a cheque book?

MARVENNA pulls a warning face, but ARMANDINE clicks her fingers.  MARVENNA produces a chequebook, ARMANDINE clicks her fingers for a pen, leans over a table, writes a cheque.  JUNE doesn't move so ARMANDINE is forced to approach her.

She holds out the cheque.

			ARMANDINE
		Let me -

JUNE takes the cheque, throws it away mildly.

			JUNE
		I did it for you.

			MARVENNA
		I think we should leave.

			JUNE
		I did it for you.

			ARMANDINE
		That was the arrangement.

			JUNE
		That was the arrangement.

			ARMANDINE
		So - no hard feelings.

JUNE stares at her.

			ARMANDINE
		Oh - you mean you didn't do it for me?

		It was a deal?

		Well tough tit.

		Look, success is not your scene.

		You couldn't cut it, you'd never handle the stress.  According to her you had a breakdown the minute I wasn't around to babysit.

MABEL moves forward aggressively but is barged aside by PAM who leaps forward, forcing ARMANDINE to her knees.  She starts to throttle her.

			PAM
		Fucking bitch!  I told you to flog the fixtures and fittings, not the sodding salon!

A melee.  PAM is dragged off ARMANDINE, wheels round and collapses again, out cold.  INEZ and MABEL take her by the feet and shoulders, sling her on the sofa as ARMANDINE crawls about, looking for her hat.

			MARVENNA
		Let's get out of here.

			MABEL
		(Calls)  Do that.  (JUNE restrains her.)

			MARVENNA
		You'll be hearing from our lawyers.

			MABEL
		What are you going to do - sue?  (To ARMANDINE) You piece of dogshit - get out before I -

			JUNE
		It's all right, Mabel.

			MABEL
		What do you mean it's all right?  She put you in the madhouse!

But JUNE waves her back, steps forward, bends and picks up ARMANDINE'S hat.

			JUNE
		Nice hat.

			ARMANDINE
		Italian.  Look, if you need help -

			JUNE
		No.

			ARMANDINE
		There must be -

			JUNE
		I don't want anything from you.

ARMANDINE looks at her.

			JUNE
		You've nothing to reproach yourself with.

			ARMANDINE
		Absolutely.  It wasn't my idea.

			JUNE
		No it wasn't.

		It was mine.
		You owe me nothing. 

MABEL moves forward.  JUNE waves her back.

			JUNE
		What you gave me was priceless.

		Incomparable.

		You gave me a life.

She closes on ARMANDINE, gazes into her face.

			JUNE
		Can one expect an eagle to be thoughtful?

She hands ARMANDINE her hat.  ARMANDINE looks at her without expression, then turns and goes.

			MARVENNA
		Just be grateful that Miss de Winter is in a generous mood.  (She goes.)

PAM slides to the ground.

SCENE SEVEN.

AMY enters.

			AMY
		Cooe.

She looks round, sits down.

PAM totters out of the loo and sits down.  AMY looks across at her.

			PAM
		What?

			AMY
		Are you all right?

			PAM
		No.  How's the cat?

			AMY
		Still dead, Pam.  I miss him.  My best friend.

			PAM
		You mean you were his.

			AMY
		I was.

		(She sighs.)  Remember his lovely blue eyes?

			PAM
		No.

			AMY
		He enjoyed coming here.

			PAM
		No he didn't.

			AMY
		He loved the company.

			PAM
		Then what did he keep howling for?

			AMY
		Well that was because of the pain.

			PAM
		Get a dog.

			AMY
		(Puzzled)  A dog?

			PAM
		A gerbil then.  Get a gerbil.
			AMY
		(Slight pause)  Is that a bird?

			PAM
		Yeah, big yellow beak, squawks.

			AMY
		Have you eaten?  (PAM ignores her.)  It's no good me ordering, it won't stay down.

			PAM
		You've probably got a growth.

SCENE EIGHT.

There are now three figures, one covered with hessian, one in camouflage fabric and one in angular Art Deco in bright colours.  All are female shapes, all different, in stylised, formalised stances.

JUNE enters with MABEL.  JUNE walks among the figures, which are slightly larger than life.  She gazes up at the smooth head shapes.

MABEL comes and stands beside her.

			MABEL
		Are you crying?

			JUNE
		I think so, yes.

They stand side by side and look at the figures for a long moment.

			MABEL
		How's Pam?

			JUNE
		Not good.  I tried to call Ginger.  

		(INEZ enters.)

		Inez we need to get hold of Ginger.

			INEZ
		Waste of time.

			JUNE
		Why?

			INEZ
		She won't come.

			JUNE
		Why not?

			INEZ
		Because she's famous and Pam isn't.

			MABEL
		Bollocks.

			JUNE
		I don't believe that.

			INEZ
		Three films, one a major studio?

			JUNE
		That doesn't make you a monster.

			INEZ
		It better had.

		Can you imagine what it's like to walk out of your door and be recognized by everyone in the street?

		Every man, woman and child knowing your face better than their own mother's?

		Never having to pay for a meal...

		Entrée everywhere...

		These are modified human beings, believe me.

JUNE nods, thoughtful.

			JUNE
		We had a client - a pop star.  Nice boy.

		None of us, neither him not us, ever knew precisely how much he was worth.  I went on a package holiday once to some Third World island.  The day we arrived we were rowed ashore by a little boy with a Walkman.

		Playing our client's latest hit.

			INEZ
		There's a Hemingway story about a famous young toreador and his mother is ill and they say go and see her and he says he will, but he doesn't.  So they ask him again and again, and he says he will.  Until his manager says "Forget it.  He won't go."  And they say "Why not?"  And he says "Because he's a queen."

		Not homosexual.

		Famous.

		And his mother isn't.

			INEZ  (Cont'd)
		(She rises.)  Forget Ginger.

		She's gone to Mars.

She goes.

			JUNE
		I don't believe it.

MABEL shrugs.  Pause.

			MABEL
		How's the book?

			JUNE
		Nearly finished.

They carry the figures out.

SCENE NINE.

AMY enters with a little dog on a lead.  She makes herself comfortable, takes off the dog's coat.

AMY sitting.

AMY sitting.

The dog sitting.

AMY jumps slightly at the doorbell.  JUNE enters with a small travelling bag.

			JUNE
		Amy - hullo!

She hangs up her coat, sees the dog.

			JUNE
		Who's this?

			AMY
		This is Alfie.

			JUNE
		Hullo Alfie.

		Where did he come from?

			AMY
		Ah.

			JUNE
		Did you buy him?

			AMY
		No.

			JUNE
		Was he a present?

			AMY
		In a way.

			JUNE
		Someone gave him to you?

			AMY
		No.  Give up?

			JUNE
		Yes.

			AMY
		He was left.

		Abandoned.

		On my doorstep.
		In a lovely dog-basket...with his dinky collar and lead...and his drinking bowl.  And a note saying he'd have to be snuffed if I didn't give him a home.

They look down at ALFIE.  Who looks happy.

			JUNE
		He looks happy.

			AMY
		Oh yes, he's not a bit depressing like Denis.  He eats up, fillet steak, creamed chicken, you name it.

			JUNE
		Don't overfeed him, Amy.  Remember what the vet said about Denis.

			AMY
		Oh no fear about that, I shan't make the same mistake twice.

		Come on, little man, let's find a nice snack for you.

She takes ALFIE into the kitchen.  JUNE goes upstage, unpacks.  MABEL appears.

			JUNE
		Mabel, you're back!

		How was Venice?

			MABEL
		Dunno.  Never went.  How was Cornwall?

			JUNE
		Wonderful.  Pam's looking fine, Inez took care of everything, we walked on the beach, saw the Tate St Ives - why?

			JUNE  (Cont'd)
		Why didn't you go to Venice?

			MABEL
		I was in the middle of something.

			JUNE
		Mabel!

		Tch.  (Sighs)  Venice...

		You were in with a chance!

		All right, long odds - you're female, you don't swan about - hob-nob -

			MABEL
		I won.

			JUNE
		You won?
		The Biennale?

		You won the Venice Biennale?

			MABEL
		So they tell me.

			JUNE
		Without turning up?

			MABEL
		Yup.

			JUNE
		Why didn't you call me?  There was no radio or TV - Pam couldn't stand the noise.

		You won!

			MABEL
		Is Pam OK?

			JUNE
		She will be, when Inez has it all set up.

			MABEL
		Has what set up?

			JUNE
		They've moved in with this chap.

			MABEL
		(Nods)  With his own business.

			JUNE
		Two gift shops and a caravan site.

			MABEL
		Here we go again.

			JUNE
		I think it may be all right this time, Mabel.

			MABEL
		Until Pam's bum starts itching.

			JUNE
		No.  She's going to marry this guy and not snuff him.

			MABEL
		She won't be able to help herself.

			JUNE
		Inez is in charge.  She likes it down there, she's opening a fish restaurant and a retreat.  She holds the money and she knows where the bodies are buried.

			MABEL
		What about the book?

			JUNE
		I finished it.

			MABEL
		Great!  You finished it!

			JUNE
		I - (she looks past MABEL as the doorbell goes.)

			MABEL
		Push off!

This is to ARMANDINE, who stands at the door, wet and bedraggled from the rain.

			ARMANDINE
		Can I come in?

SCENE TEN.

JUNE and ARMANDINE are alone.  JUNE sits at a table.  ARMANDINE walks up and down.  And up and down.  And up and down.

			JUNE
		All right!

ARMANDINE stops.

			ARMANDINE
		All right?

ARMANDINE throws open her arms in query.

			JUNE
		You know very well.

ARMANDINE throws herself on JUNE, nearly knocking her out of her chair.

			ARMANDINE
		You'll do it?

			JUNE
		Yes.

			ARMANDINE
		You mean it?

			JUNE
		Yes.

			ARMANDINE
		Ahhhh!  Ohhhh.  (Knocks over a chair.)

		I didn't know what to do, Junie.

		Eighteen months! - eighteen months on that sequel.

			JUNE
		(Rights the chair.)  Well, never mind.

			ARMANDINE
		What do you mean never mind, it was eighteen months of my life!

		I couldn't believe them when they turned it down.

			JUNE
		Perhaps they were thrown by the change of style.

			ARMANDINE
		That's what I'm saying.  (She leans over urgently, nose to nose.)

			JUNE
		Armandine, I've said I'll do it.

			ARMANDINE
		(Sits back)  How long?

			JUNE
		Sorry?

			ARMANDINE
		How long will it take?

			JUNE
		I don't know.

		I shall need somewhere to work.  I can't work here.

			ARMANDINE
		You did before.  (Silence.)

		What about in my place in Campden Hill?  It's great - roof garden, sauna, customised gym - you can use my personal trainer -

			JUNE
		(Ponders, shakes her head)  No-o.  Not London.  I need somewhere - 

		- I need to be inspired.

			ARMANDINE
		Abroad then - 

		Paris, Rome...

		The Seychelles...

			JUNE
		On my own?

		I'd be lonely.

			ARMANDINE
		I could come with you.

		If you like.

		I know - Venice!  You've always wanted to see Venice.

			JUNE
		(Muses)  Venice...Venice...

		...ye-es, Venice might do it for me.

			ARMANDINE
		How long do you think it will take you?

		How much time will you need?

			JUNE
		Can't tell.
			ARMANDINE
		We'll rent a palazzo.

		On the Grand Canal.

		Near St Mark's Square - not the Lido, it's naff.

		A palazzo, by the Academia.

JUNE takes her time.  Sits up.

			JUNE
		All right.

		It's a deal.

			GINGER
		(Enters in camel coat and Dietrich hat)  Hullo you two.

			JUNE
		Ginger!

			ARMANDINE
		Oh.  Hi.

			JUNE
		You look wonderful.

			GINGER
		I feel wonderful.

			JUNE
		What's the latest?

			GINGER
		The latest is, I'm doing A Doll's House at the Soho Theatre.

			JUNE
		(Claps)  Live?

			GINGER
		Live as I can make it.

			ARMANDINE
		What's happened, did the movies run out?

			GINGER
		No.

		I made seventy million bucks for the studio last year so I've applied some blackmail.  (JUNE gives her a quick look.)

			JUNE
		We've missed you.

			GINGER
		Me too.

		Inez came to see me when Pam was ill.

		Is she OK?

			JUNE
		Pam?  She's fine.

			GINGER
		I fixed them a place in Cornwall.

			JUNE
		It was you?  Inez didn't say.

			GINGER
		No...well...she likes to play Wonder Woman.

			ARMANDINE
		She's a shit.  She owes me money.

			JUNE
		No, darling.  You owe her money.

			GINGER
		So - when's the new book out?

			ARMANDINE
		(With a look at JUNE)  I'm working on it.

			GINGER
		(MABEL enters)  Mog and June are doing a new book.

			MABEL
		What?

			JUNE
		We're writing another book together.

		Under Armandine's name of course.

			MABEL
		What?!!

			JUNE
		As before.

			MABEL
		I don't think so.

			JUNE
		We're leaving for Venice.

		I'll do most of the writing there - then it's back to Campden Hill.

			ARMANDINE
		For a polish.  
			MABEL
		Mmm - a whole novel eh?  Gonna take some time, that.

			JUNE
		Afraid so.

			ARMANDINE
		(To JUNE)  I can't stay away forever, I've got commitments.

			JUNE
		We'll sort it out with your manager.

			ARMANDINE
		She left.

			JUNE
		Good.

			ARMANDINE
		Is that bog working?

			MABEL
		Yeah.  (ARMANDINE goes.)  How's your head?

			GINGER
		Fine.

		You were getting very fresh with Frankie Auerbach last night.

			MABEL
		(Sings)  "Simply the best, better than all the rest."

			GINGER
		I'll put in a word for you.

MABEL blows a raspberry.

			GINGER
		I'm a movie star, I can do anything.

		Gotta go.  (She waves and leaves.)

			JUNE
		I never believed Inez about Ginger going Hollywood.

			MABEL
		Nah.  Passé, all that.  Ginger's an actress, six a week and two matineés - course they'll try and knock it out of her.

			JUNE
		She's managing so far.

			MABEL
		Yeah.  Inez is right about having to survive but Ginger's smart.

			JUNE
		Yes.  Bides her time.

MABEL laughs, thumps JUNE on the shoulder.

			MABEL
		You knew that cow would be back.

			JUNE
		I thought it was likely.

			MABEL
		You worked it out.

			JUNE
		Something had to happen when they wanted another book.

			MABEL
		And that's why you bought the Apple Mac!

			JUNE
		Who's going to write them for her -

			MABEL
		- the best-sellers - 

They laugh.  MABEL brings over drinks.  They toast each other and relax.

			JUNE
		(Puts her feet up)  You know what I'm going to enjoy most?

			MABEL
		Travel?

		Books?

		A box at the opera?

			JUNE
		Really expensive shoes.

ARMANDINE reappears.

			MABEL
		All right?

			ARMANDINE
		Yuh.

			MABEL
		Bog working?

			ARMANDINE
		Are you kidding?

THE END.