NOT JOAN THE MUSICAL

a play in two acts

by Pam Gems

Copyright © Pam Gems
Pam Gems is hereby identified as author of this work in accordance with section 77 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988. The author has asserted her moral rights. 

All rights whatsoever in this play are strictly reserved and application for performance etc. should be made before rehearsal to Rose Cobbe, United Agents, 12-26 Lexington Street, London W1F 0LE, UK. Tel: +44 (0) 20 3214 0800.
http://unitedagents.co.uk/agents/rose-cobbe/. Assistant: Dan Usztan. Email: dusztan@unitedagents.co.uk Tel: +44 (0) 20 3214 0873. No performance may be given unless a licence has been obtained.

NOT JOAN THE MUSICAL

CAST

JUNE ROSTEN

FLORIA DE WINTER

NOT JOAN THE MUSICAL

ACT ONE

The living-room of a semi-detached Edwardian house in Wimbledon.  Old and comfortable furniture - a rose-covered sofa, pictures and books, music centre and television.

JUNE is sitting, legs up, reading.  She is in her 30s/40s, wears a plain skirt and sweater and flat shoes.  With a messy haircut she should look nothing but there is an angularity about her - she has a style of her own.

She reads for a long time, rises and exits, returns with a cup of tea and continues to read.

A sudden squeal of brakes and the sound of a crash.  JUNE, startled, leaps to her feet and runs out, throwing down her book.  A door  bangs, off.

The sound of voices.

JUNE enters supporting a FIGURE in leathers and helmet.  She sits him down gently, leaps across for her mobile.

			FLORIA
		Don't!

			JUNE
		I'm calling an ambulance.

But she is arrested by the figure doffing gloves, boots, helmet and leathers.  Out of which step a dark, vivid woman in a maroon jumpsuit with a white faux-fur collar.  JUNE helps her to sit, bends on one knee, feels the ankle gently.

FLORIA relaxes.  She looks around, taking in the room.

			FLORIA
		This your place?

			JUNE
		There doesn't appear to be anything broken.  Yes.

FLORIA rises, tries the leg.

			FLORIA
		Bastard.

			JUNE
		I'm sorry?

			FLORIA
		Bloody Volvo cut me up, forced me on the pavement - fucking black bags everywhere!

			JUNE
		Oh dear.  That was me.  They're for the dustman.  Waste paper.
			FLORIA
		How many people have you got living here!

			JUNE
		Just me.

			FLORIA
		On your own?

			JUNE
		Since my parents died.

FLORIA sticks out her hand.

			FLORIA
		Floria de Winter.

			JUNE
		June Rosten.

			FLORIA
		You know, you look quite different when you smile.

MUSIC.

JUNE and FLORIA enter from the kitchen.  FLORIA has a bowl and spoon, sits and eats.

			FLORIA
		This soup is heavenly.

			JUNE
		It's from the Ritz.

FLORIA looks up.  JUNE laughs.

			JUNE
		Ray, my next-door neighbour, is a sous-chef.
			FLORIA
		Handy guy.

			JUNE
		No - Ray's a woman - well -

FLORIA, still eating, looks around the room.

			FLORIA
		So - June - what do you do when you're not eating left-overs from the Ritz?

			JUNE
		Me?

			FLORIA
		No, Renée Fleming.

			JUNE
		I'm a tax consultant - accountant by trade.

FLORIA looks up, crashing down her bowl.  JUNE offers her a tissue to wipe her face.  FLORIA lifts her face for JUNE to wipe it so JUNE does.

FLORIA rises.  She prowls, picking up things and books for close inspection.

			FLORIA
		Accountant, uh?

			JUNE
		Not very exciting, I'm afraid.

			FLORIA
		Oh, I don't know.  Every woman needs an accountant in her life.  Is this a Sickert?

JUNE rises and joins FLORIA.  They gaze at a sizeable painting.

			JUNE
		My grandparents bought it in Holland on their way here in '39.

			FLORIA
		(Sits)  Jewish?

JUNE nods.
		
			FLORIA
		They got out, your family?

			JUNE
		Some of them.

			FLORIA
		"Yearn.  And yearn.
		And remember -
		Laughter is allowable.
		Advisable.
		To be preferred to the alternative."

JUNE turns.

			JUNE
		You're a poet.

			FLORIA
		Of course.

			JUNE
		I knew - I sensed it.  Would I - would I know your work?

			FLORIA
		I publish rarely.  Poetry is from a deep well.

			JUNE
		Oh indeed.  Too deep sometimes - look at Ezra Pound!

			FLORIA
		Who?

JUNE is puzzled, then feels that FLORIA is making a sophisticated joke and laughs.

			JUNE
		An actual live poet, under my roof!

			FLORIA
		And playwright.

			JUNE
		Playwright?  Heavens.  Are you - are you working on anything at the moment?

			FLORIA
		Is the Pope Catholic?  I'm doing a piece about Joan.

			JUNE
		Of Arc?

			FLORIA
		No, Bethnal Green.

			JUNE
		Sorry.

			FLORIA
		Been done before, of course, by GBS, but what does a run-off-at-the-mouth Irish journalist know about Joan of Arc? - apart from the fact that they were both virgins.  (JUNE laughs.)  Totally unauthentic.

			JUNE
		You see Joan from the woman's point of view?

			FLORIA
		You could say that.  Whichever way you cut it, she was show-business.

			JUNE
		What is your play called?

			FLORIA
		Joan the Musical.

			JUNE
		(Offering FLORIA a biscuit)  Tell me, do you - I mean - her voices - Joan - do you actually think she - will your approach? - (FLORIA is head down in the biscuit tin) - there are those who say she was no more than a puppet, used by powerful - and of course, some say she escaped the fire.

			FLORIA
		(Looks up)  Not in my musical she doesn't - well, it depends on the budget.  I may have to send her to the Crusades or let her conquer Italy with Garibaldi.

Shouting, making FLORIA jump up.

			JUNE
		Sorry.  It's Ray, my neighbour.  (More shouting - they wait for it to stop.)  Probably the postman.

			FLORIA
		Why, what's he done?

			JUNE
		Nothing.  He's a chap.  Ray doesn't like men - one tried to kiss her once.

			FLORIA
		Is she often noisy?

			JUNE
		Sometimes.

			FLORIA
		Only I need somewhere quiet to work, have you got a room going?  You know, you should wear a hat, you've got the face for it.

MUSIC.

JUNE, at the table, does the accounts, writes letters, stamps them.  She is eating a sandwich.

			FLORIA
		(From the sofa)  We're out of coffee.

JUNE nods, adds it to her list.

			FLORIA
		Oh, and get a coffee grinder and some beans.

			JUNE
		Don't you like Instant?

			FLORIA
		Instant coffee?  How common can you get?  Worse than sandwiches.  (Sits up)  Actually the best way is to buy green beans and roast them.  On a tin plate.  Over an open fire.  Like the Sudanese.

			JUNE
		Won't that be an awful bore?

			FLORIA
		You'll soon get used to it.

MUSIC.

JUNE and FLORIA enter.  FLORIA opens shopping bags, tries on new boots.  She throws a bag over to JUNE.  JUNE opens the bag, finds trainers.  FLORIA gestures her to try them on so she does.

			FLORIA
		Well?

			JUNE
		I feel a fool.  (She teeters timidly.)

			FLORIA
		Wear them!

She throws a new scarf around her neck.  Turns, begins to teach JUNE the slow foxtrot.

MUSIC.

FLORIA walks about, looking for anything of value and pausing to inspect the Sickert while talking on her mobile.

			FLORIA
		...and we guarantee no home visits.  Take your time filling out the forms - remember, it's in your interest to select the model most suitable for your hubbie, it's all explained on page forty-one - no, the pink form, which also sets out the favourable terms for this month only, you won't find anything to touch us on the High Street but as I say, we don't spend money on bricks and mortar, we spend it on our customers - we care about you, we're on your side!

She listens, 'phone under her ear and she makes rapid notes.

			FLORIA  (Cont'd)
		...yes, the remedial with the tilting system and the automatic riser...fifteen hundred, all inclusive, postage and delivery free, all you need to do is sign at the bottom of pages 3, 5, 52, 54 and 55...and 55...good.  Now I want you to promise me, Mrs - ah - (she checks her notes) - Proctor - that you'll get this off to us today.  Your husband's back is as important to us as it is to you, and you don't want to miss out on our special offer and the free gift of...(checks her notes) - the set of barbecue skewers for the patio.  Have you got a pen handy?  That's all right, I'll hang on.  (She waits, humming.)

		Are you there?  Good!  One of the best decisions of your life,  have you got a stamp - fine - thank you - we aim to please.  And to you...all the best -

She puts down the mobile quickly as JUNE enters.	

			FLORIA
		My ex.  A bitch.

MUSIC.

JUNE on the telephone.

			JUNE
		I agree with you, Elaine.  There is not point - not for you, not for me, not for anyone.  We're not all in the same boat.  You've had a knock - a bad knock - the way you feel is normal and right - an honest reaction to tragedy.  You will get over it.  In the end.  Because you must and because in the end time will do it for you.  Because time moves on, and takes you with it whether you want it or not.  People try to stay with their grief as a sort of loyalty to the lost one.  Sometimes I feel we're holding the loved ones back when we do that.  I lost my parents in an accident.  Yes I did.  Yes.  It can help to share.  Well, none of us knows that - I can't help you there - it's not what the Samaritans are for.  We're not here to tell you what to do - well, sometimes offer alternatives I suppose - yes, make our own decisions - yes - yes - oh yes - I agree.

		Absolutely not.

		It's your right to grieve.  And be angry.  And blame other people.  And yourself.  And God.

		Of course you can't think of another baby at this time.  Oh Elaine - life is so precious.  I agree - oh I do.  I know - I feel that too - I suppose we all do.  That's it - we're meant to care - if we didn't, we'd be - absolutely.

		Of course!

		Exactly.  Keep busy.  There's nothing like it!

		Why not?  Start with something simple.  (Listens, nodding)  They say slow-cooking is better for you.  I might try that myself.

			JUNE  (Cont'd)
		Thanks, Elaine.  All the best.  You've got a big heart.  I agree, women are stronger than men.

		OK.  And to you.  Goodbye for now, you know where we are.  'Bye.

She lies back, exhausted.  FLORIA enters, pulls JUNE to her feet, throws JUNE'S jacket at her.  They leave.

MUSIC.

FLORIA and JUNE enter.  JUNE has had her hair cut.  FLORIA takes a hat from a bag.  JUNE unwillingly puts it on.  FLORIA tweaks it to the right angle.  JUNE gazes at herself in the glass.
			FLORIA
		It's you.

		It's you!

JUNE gazes at herself.

			JUNE
		All right.  But you won't make me have one of those make-overs will you?

			FLORIA
		Of course not.

			JUNE
		They always look better before.

			FLORIA
		That's the idea.  (She swings JUNE round in the slow foxtrot.)

MUSIC.

JUNE and FLORIA watch Depardieu's last speech in Cyrano.  JUNE switches off, blows her nose.  FLORIA finishes sobbing.

			JUNE
		I love French films.  You're allowed to be sexy, even when you're old and ugly.

			FLORIA
		Speak for yourself.

Pause.

			JUNE
		Floria?

			FLORIA
		Yuh?

			JUNE
		You're happy here?

			FLORIA
		Why?

			JUNE
		I just wondered.

			FLORIA
		Sure.  (JUNE hands her a box.)  What's this?

FLORIA dives in, takes out a necklace of heavy stones.

			JUNE
		Aquamarines.

			FLORIA
		(Weighing them)  How much did they cost?

			JUNE
		Mind your own business.  They're a celebration.  You've been here six months.

			FLORIA
		(Puts on the necklace)  Mmm, not bad.

			JUNE
		They're sandblasted.  Rough on top, divine underneath.

FLORIA lies back.  JUNE looks at her fondly.

MUSIC.

FLORIA at the table.  JUNE enters, wearing her office suit, carrying her briefcase.

			JUNE
		Oh, sorry, (she makes to tiptoe off) - you're working.

			FLORIA
		Where'd you get that idea?

			JUNE
		Well...sorry.

			FLORIA
		Say that word again I'll slit your throat.

			JUNE
		Oh.  Yes.  I do see.  It must be maddening.

			FLORIA
		Every time you want to get off on saying sorry, say shit.

			JUNE
		I'll make a note of that.

She turns to go.  FLORIA looks up.

			FLORIA
		I'm blocked.

			JUNE
		Sorry?  I mean - shit?

			FLORIA
		I've got writers' block.

			JUNE
		Oh.  Is there anything I can do?
			FLORIA
		Doubt it, anyway, what's the point?  To get Joan to Edinburgh for the Festival will take at least five thou.

			JUNE
		Five thousand?  Pounds?

			FLORIA
		And that's without paying the actors, poor sods.

			JUNE
		Oh dear.  Is Edinburgh vital?  As a showcase for Joan?

			FLORIA
		Absolutely.  Window on the world for exciting new work.

			JUNE
		I see.

			FLORIA
		Of course it's a risk.  All art is a risk.  Life is a risk.

			JUNE
		I understand that.

			FLORIA
		Do you?

She sags.  JUNE surveys her, makes up her mind, crosses, takes out her cheque-book, writes a cheque and hands it to FLORIA.

			FLORIA
		What?

		(She takes the cheque, reads it)  Oh.

			JUNE
		I've made it for seven thousand.  There are always extras.

			FLORIA
		Seven thousand pounds?  Is this a loan?

			JUNE
		No.  A gift.

			FLORIA
		A gift?  Who from?

			JUNE
		From me.  To you.

			FLORIA
		Is this for real?

			JUNE
		I don't think it will bounce.

			FLORIA
		We-ell.

		Fantastic.

		Thanks.

MUSIC.

FLORIA, on her mobile.

			FLORIA
		Cynthia?  I'll have the coat.  For cash.  (She dials again, uses posh voice.)  Mr Beaufort?  It's Jessica Fitzwilliam.  Sorry to have kept you waiting, I'll be in to settle up, I've been burying my mother.  (She dials again.)  Sonya - it's me.  I need five musicians - how should I know - medieval!  And a bass guitar for the fire scene.  See you.  (Dials again.)  Inez - get a microwave and some sleeping bags - oh you're there, hi.

		(She listens.)  What?

		What?!

		Fucking hell, Inez, you are a genius!  (Gives a yelp of triumph.)

		How many?

		Too small, not enough room for producers, agents and journos let alone punters, this is a musical for fuck's sake.  So open the balcony after the inspectors have been - good - great.  What?!

		Oh well, if we have to.  (She listens.)

		Finished.  I just have to sort out the Nuns' Chorus and figure out nine names - Sister Conception - Sister Emaciata etc - who wants Nun 1 and Nun 2 on their CV?  Bell me.

MUSIC.

JUNE enters in jeans and trainers.  She puts on Radio 3.  It is the chorus from the last act of Figaro.  She sings along as she takes off her jacket, looks at herself in the glass.   A horrendous banging on the wall.  She turns off the music.

FLORIA enters.  She wears a pale camel coat, belted a la Dietrich, a black fedora, flash boots, and leans on a silver-headed cane.

			FLORIA
		Tara!

			JUNE
		Floria!  You look stunning!

			FLORIA
		You lika?

She displays her new clothes.

			JUNE
		You look - expensive!

FLORIA takes out a small bottle of champagne, pours.

			FLORIA
		Celebration time.  Inez has found us a space.

			JUNE
		She hasn't!  In Edinburgh?

			FLORIA
		No, Pittsburgh.  Near the Fringe Club - we'll do late shows, catch the drunks as they come out - wheeee!  (She swings JUNE off her feet.)

			JUNE
		I can't believe it.

			FLORIA
		It's a disused synagogue - two hundred seater, Inez is setting up a package deal.

			JUNE
		Package deal?

			FLORIA
		We share with some Chilean nose flutes and the Tapping Gays.

			JUNE
		Share?

			FLORIA
		Not at the same time, dumbo.

			JUNE
		Oh, sorry - I mean, shit.

			FLORIA
		They play matinées.  Celebration dinner?

			JUNE
		Lovely!  I'll get my coat.

			FLORIA
		Nah, you cook.  Curried chicken and trifle - with glacé cherries.

			JUNE
		You are an infant.

			FLORIA
		I'll get some wine.

She holds out her hand.  JUNE gives her money and she goes.  JUNE tired, exits to cook.

MUSIC.

FLORIA and JUNE after dinner.  Silence.  JUNE crosses, refills FLORIA'S glass.  FLORIA does not drink.

			JUNE
		Is it the second act?

		Can I help?

			FLORIA
		You can help by shutting up.

			JUNE
		I'm sor -

			FLORIA
		How am I supposed to work?  How the hell am I supposed to get into the dreamy imaginative state I need to write when my head is like a boiled pig's head from worry about financing!

			JUNE
		But I thought we'd solved -

			FLORIA
		I am a writer, not a producer.  I need a producer, where is my producer?

			JUNE
		What's happened to Inez, I thought Inez was -

			FLORIA
		Are you kidding?  The woman's a dipstick!  She's handicapped in the brain department -

			JUNE
		But I thought -

			FLORIA
		- spent last summer making beads out of condensed milk to sell on the Portobello!

			JUNE
		No good?

			FLORIA
		She'll never know, the cat ate them.  I need to be looked after.  I need a producer.  Can't you do it?

			JUNE
		Me?  I wouldn't know how...anyway, there's my job.

			FLORIA
		Take some leave!  I need Nourishment, not some cunt who sits about on her ass telling me the opening of my play is crap.

			JUNE
		I didn't say that!

			FLORIA
		You said the opening of the play was crap.

			JUNE
		No, Floria.  I didn't say that.  You said it.  You said the opening of the play was crap.  You said it wasn't ineffable enough.

			FLORIA
		(Moody)  What was I on?  Anyway, save my breath.  The trouble with this house is there's a Philistine atmosphere.

She knocks back her brandy, staggers off.  JUNE stands, miserable.  She decides on action, goes to her desk, finds a yellow lawyers' pad and a pen, sits on the sofa with the pad on her knees and starts to write.

MUSIC.

FLORIA, in a long t-shirt, appears.

			FLORIA
		What are you doing?

			JUNE
		Writing.

			FLORIA
		It's three o'clock in the morning.

			JUNE
		I'm trying to help.  With Joan.  The opening.  Trying to make it ineffable.

			FLORIA
		What!?

She seems affronted, walks about, irritable.  JUNE puts the pad down apologetically.

			FLORIA
		OK - so what have you got?

JUNE clears her throat nervously.

			JUNE
		(Mutters)  "I don't want to be married..."

			FLORIA
		What?  I can't hear you.  Get up.

			JUNE
		Floria, I am not an actress -  (she gets up, stands, miserable.)

		(Low)  "I don't want to be married..."

			FLORIA
		(Sing-song)  Can't hear you!

			JUNE
		"I don't want to be married."

		(She looks upwards.)  "I can't be a wife, I'm not bleeding yet.  Tell me what to do!  Yesterday water danced on the ceiling, plates flew like birds!...the walls quivered and sang!

		Please!...they'll tie me down for a madwoman."

		(She kneels, hands clasped, gazes upwards.)

		"Oh Mary, Mother of God -

		Is it because I'm disobedient?"

Silence.  JUNE waits.

			FLORIA
		Look.

		Look, I know you're trying to help.

			JUNE
		Sorry - I mean -

			FLORIA
		This is a musical for fuck's sake.

		(She sings)	"Joan, Joan
		Crossing the Rhone
		Alone
		Without a 'phone
		Frozen to the bone
		Without a moan" -

		What's the matter?

			JUNE
		Nothing.

			FLORIA
		This isn't a piece of fascism for phonus-bolonus über-pseuds - fucking middle-class directors on the subsidised tit laying trips on proles with matey smiles as they spend punters' taxes getting themselves laid  - when were they ever out on the street, what do they know - June, this is a musical, for Christ's sake!  Out there!  Up

			FLORIA (Cont'd)
		against Tom - Keanu, Elton, Sting!  When did you get off the train for Christ's sake?

			JUNE
		I didn't know what you wanted.  If you could tell me what you want.

			FLORIA
		I'll tell you what I want.

		I want to be rich and famous.  I want to be so famous I pay a publicity agent to keep my name out of the papers.  I want a table at the Ivy, I want to sponsor charity events with Ned Sherrin.  I want to advise Cherie Blair on gear, snorkel with Celine, diss with Julia, ski with Tara and nod to Vinnie Jones.  And I want to be so loaded that I need a firm twice your size and three times as dodgy to do my tax evasion...I mean...(she grabs JUNE'S script, waves it at  her.)

			JUNE
		You said you wanted feeling.

			FLORIA
		Feeling?  Sure!  People getting their rocks off!  What do you think sells decking units, dog food?  Bums!  Tits!

		June.  Theatre is dead.  Defunct.  Gone to its Maker.  Up the driff, down the drain, over the hill, six foot under.  Don't - please - for the love of Larry - give me live theatre.

			JUNE
		Then why are you writing for the stage?

			FLORIA
		It's an outlet!  The Edinburgh Festival is a show-case - it opens doors!  Bloody Scotland for three weeks a year gets off its haggis bum.  Think of all the people who've made it from Edinburgh - Stephen Fry, Jim Davidson, Madonna...

			JUNE
		Are you sure?

			FLORIA
		We'll do three weeks in Edinburgh, then the tour.

			JUNE
		Tour?

			FLORIA
		Inez is fixing dates.

			JUNE
		Inez will run a tour - of Joan?

			FLORIA
		No, Oklahoma.  Are you kidding?  Inez?  A woman who drove her car into the sea last week?  We're trying for Kath Allen if we can get her.  She doesn't come cheap.

			JUNE
		And the money will stretch to - ?

			FLORIA
		No way.  We need more funding.  Pronto.

			JUNE
		My seven thousand - ?

			FLORIA
		A drop in the ocean.

Silence.

			FLORIA
		I could try Jeremy.

			JUNE
		Who's Jeremy?

			FLORIA
		West Two masochist.  Trustafarian.

She gets up - dials.

			FLORIA
		Jeremy?  What?

She waits, then clicks off.

			FLORIA
		Misdial.  I got Buckingham Palace.

			JUNE
		What did they say?

			FLORIA
		They put me on hold.

She paces.  Shakes her head.

			FLORIA
		Nah - last time he slashed his wrists.  I don't want to kill the guy.  Life before art.

			JUNE
		Oh Floria, you're wonderful.  I've never met anyone like you.  You inhabit a different world.  It's like a parallel universe.  There must be something we can do.

			FLORIA
		You could sell this place.

			JUNE
		I'm sorry?

			FLORIA
		Sell the house.

			JUNE
		My house?  Sell my house?

			FLORIA
		I know it's where your people came when they got out of Naziland but that was then.  This is now.

			JUNE
		Floria!

			FLORIA
		You don't need a place this size.  It's too far out, there's nowhere to park, Ray makes your life a misery, there isn't a deli in sight and how am I supposed to work with Godzilla hammering down the walls every night?

			JUNE
		I know.

		I couldn't.

		It's my home.

			FLORIA
		It's not where you are, it's who you are.  Where you sleep is not the point.  Art is the point.  Take a chance.

			JUNE
		I can't, Floria.  I can't sell my house.

			FLORIA
		Get a mortgage then.

JUNE shakes her head.

			FLORIA
		Why not?

			JUNE
		I know how mortgages work.

			FLORIA
		There must be something you can sell.

Silence.

JUNE rises.  She crosses to the Sickert and gazes at it.  FLORIA watches her, and then rises and stands at JUNE'S shoulder.

			JUNE
		I've always loved those strange, inky browns.  They look like weather - (FLORIA stares at her) - English weather.

FLORIA waits.

JUNE takes down the painting.

MUSIC.

JUNE and FLORIA collating copies of the play.

			JUNE
		I dreamt of Tom Cruise last night.

			FLORIA
		Was he wearing Armani?  If he was you're due for a tax rebate.

			JUNE
		Get away.

FLORIA has made a mess of her scripts.  JUNE sorts them.

			FLORIA
		I'm worried about the Nuns' Chorus.  (JUNE sorts)  If only they could sing!

		Then there's the fire.  Inez knows a great pyrotechnics guy but he's not out till next month.

			JUNE
		Wouldn't it be better to - ?

			FLORIA
		No.

FLORIA prowls, disappears, comes back in camel coat and the hat.

			FLORIA
		I need to get past the doorman.

			JUNE
		Where are you going?

			FLORIA
		To burgle Jeremy's flat.

			JUNE
		Floria!

FLORIA goes.  JUNE, happy, stacks the scripts.  She crosses, puts on the dance tape - dances.  RAY bangs on the wall.  JUNE turns off the tape but lifts her arms, happy, and goes.

MUSIC.

JUNE and FLORIA in navy workman's boilersuits.  They manhandle on theatre baskets, pikes, helmets, a horse's head, a long trumpet, some armour and bunches of faggots.

They sit on the baskets.  JUNE consults her lists.

			FLORIA
		When is the lorry due?

			JUNE
		Eleven.  Good luck, darling.

			FLORIA
		No.  You say "break a leg".

			JUNE
		Oh yes.  Sorry.  Break a leg.

			FLORIA
		I need a taller Dauphin.  He's too short.

			JUNE
		It makes him look vulnerable.

			FLORIA
		It makes me look vulnerable.

They kiss tenderly.  FLORIA goes off.  JUNE steps out of her boilersuit.  She is in a shirt and trousers.  She takes her list and checks the props, humming to herself.

FLORIA enters.  She is wearing a long skirt with a decorative top and Navaho necklaces in profusion, serious earrings, amazing boots and a jewelled bandeau low over her brow.  JUNE is open-mouthed.

			FLORIA
		What do you think?

			JUNE
		Stunning.  Absolutely stunning.

			FLORIA
		I'll be on show...

			JUNE
		Absolutely!

			FLORIA
		...the public expect some sort of juge.  I can't bear artists who disappoint the imagination - the too-posh-to-push phonies.

			JUNE
		You look wonderful.

			FLORIA
		Yup.  Could you get my bags down?

JUNE exits.  FLORIA tries out the gear, experiments with a flowing stole.  JUNE staggers in with two huge suitcases, goes, returns with more baggage.

			JUNE
		You did mean all of this?

			FLORIA
		Any objection?

			JUNE
		(Breathless with exertion)  No.

			FLORIA
		I can't wear the same gear twice.

			JUNE
		Of course not.

			FLORIA
		And there's the doubling up.

			JUNE
		Sorry?

			FLORIA
		I have this mobile face.  I'm what the French call journalière - I look different every day, so I need alternatives.

			JUNE
		I see.

			FLORIA
		You're lucky, you look the same all the time, anyway, there'll be interviews, TV, radio, the business meetings - they've got to be right.

			JUNE
		The Ralph Lauren?

			FLORIA
		No way.  Too beachy.  Nicole Fahri -

			JUNE
		- and the Betty Jackson for the first night?

			FLORIA
		Or the charity preview.  I can't make up my mind for the première - the DK or the Chalayan - but I might keep that for the wrap party.  You'll have to help me.  Be cruel - don't let me make a tit of myself.  (Looks at her watch.)

			JUNE
		Will Sonya do your hair?

			FLORIA
		Uchuch - no left hand.  Marchise.

			JUNE
		Is her English any better?

			FLORIA
		When she's pissed.

		(She looks at her watch again.)

		Well.

			JUNE
		Well -

		Are you nervous?

			FLORIA
		Shitting myself.

			JUNE
		Me too.

			FLORIA
		At least it's not boring.

			JUNE
		Oh, it's not boring!

			FLORIA
		Where are they?  Where's the lorry, they should be here by now.

JUNE looks at her watch.

			JUNE
		Another five minutes.

She crosses, pours two brandies.

			JUNE
		To you.

			FLORIA
		To me -

			JUNE
		Success.

			FLORIA
		Success.

The doorbell rings, very loud, making them jump.  FLORIA thrusts her glass at JUNE, throws her stole over her shoulders.

			FLORIA
		(Displaying)  OK?

			JUNE
		Superb.

JUNE picks up the smaller bags.

			FLORIA
		What are you going to wear?

She exits with a flourish before JUNE can answer.

JUNE laughs.

			JUNE
		(Calls)  Break a leg!

She looks round at the props, goes off with the smaller bags - returns, staggers off with the large bags.

MUSIC.

NOT JUNE THE MUSICAL

ACT TWO

The sitting room.

A burst of heavy-metal from RAY.  JUNE enters, bangs on the wall.  The volume goes up.  JUNE leaves.

Pause.

FLORIA enters.  She wears a horrible old dressing gown, her hair is a mess.  She throws herself on the sofa, gropes for her cigarettes.  JUNE enters, gives her a cigarette and a light.  The telephone rings.  JUNE answers it.

			JUNE
		Hello?  Oh, Sonya.  Yes, we came back yesterday.  I know, we were booked for 18 performances.  No audiences, I'm afraid.  There was so much competition, Sonya.  Two at the first performance, one at the second, just me for the third.

FLORIA gets up and leaves.

			JUNE
		Sonya, I'm at my wits' end.  Floria's in a dreadful state, she's in torment.

RAY'S music starts up.  JUNE crosses, bangs heavily on the wall.

			JUNE
		Ray, will you shut the fuck up - shut up!  (The music stops.)  Sorry, Sonya.  Has she what?  Tried slashing her wrists yet - what do you mean, I don't know what you mean - slashing her wrists?

FLORIA enters, grabs the 'phone from JUNE.

			FLORIA
		Fuck off, bitch, keep your long nose out of this.

		What?  You wouldn't know a relationship if it smashed you in the face.  What do you mean, what have I given her?  I happen to be extremely emotionally generous, to the point of penury.

			FLORIA  (Cont'd)
		Au contraire, it's my fucking heart that's -

A surge of music from RAY.  JUNE bangs, it stops.

			FLORIA
		Oh fuck off back to Shepherd's Bush.  I hope your dog dies.  What?  Good.

She throws herself down on the sofa.  JUNE crosses, starts to do the mail, throwing mail order catalogues into the bin.
			FLORIA
		It was the wrong gig!

		All those draggy comedy acts.

		What I wrote was poetry!

		I write a piece of lyrical poetry and what do I get for my debut?  A bat-shit morgue next to a karaoke pub with pissed scrotum Scotchmen vomiting over their shoes.

Silence.

			JUNE
		Would you care for anything?  Food, drink?  (No response.)  I could get a takeaway.

There is no response so JUNE struggles with the bills.

			JUNE
		Ray's having root-canal.

Silence.

			JUNE
		We've got another pop-star on the books.  His lady breeds miniature snautzers.  Not a good idea, it has to be from the runt of the litter, look at Denis, Sonya's dog.

			FLORIA
		It's dead.

			JUNE
		Denis?  Dead?  When?

			FLORIA
		Just now.

			JUNE
		Heavens, what happened?

			FLORIA
		It fell over.

Silence.

			FLORIA
		Flop.  Flop, flop, flop.

			JUNE
		Darling, everyone has failures.  Look at Noel Coward...poor Tennessee Williams.

			FLORIA
		Flop.
			JUNE
		Don't.

			FLORIA
		Flop, flop, flop, flop, flop.

Silence.  FLORIA, hearing a sound, turns.  JUNE is crying.

			JUNE
		Sorry.

She blows her nose.

			JUNE
		Oh, Floria.

			FLORIA
		At least you'll be able to say that you were, for a brief moment, a minute cog in the life of an artist.  You brushed, infinitesimally, against the universe of the imagination.

			JUNE
		And I'm grateful for that - if you knew how much!  I didn't exist before I knew you.

			FLORIA
		Don't get too invested.

			JUNE
		I'm afraid it's rather late for that.

Silence.

			JUNE
		You're not thinking of leaving?

		Floria?

			FLORIA
		Hemingway said it - "Don't do anything for too damn long."

Silence.

			JUNE
		I'll sell the house.

		If I sold the house we could set up a new production of Joan.  Arrange a tour.

			FLORIA
		Don't bother.

			JUNE
		Why not?

			FLORIA
		It's crap.
JUNE is shocked.  FLORIA starts to laugh.  JUNE joins in.  They laugh.

			JUNE
		Oh Floria, you are so real!  You're adventurous - a Bohemian!  You confront life as though it wasn't - well - terrifying.

She advances, stands over FLORIA.

			JUNE
		How on earth can I expect you to want to share your life with someone who earns a living avoiding tax for people who exploit others and then sneer at them for being losers?

			FLORIA
		Zizi to that.  What I want is for you to do my tax evasion.  Bugger Bohemia.

			JUNE
		God, I admire you.

She stands over FLORIA smiling down at her.

			FLORIA
		(Looks up)  What?

			JUNE
		Nothing.

			FLORIA
		What?

			JUNE
		I like looking at you.

FLORIA pulls a face.

			JUNE
		You're such a sensuous woman...

			FLORIA
		Oh sure.

			JUNE
		...you need warmth...light...colour - exotic surroundings...

FLORIA picks up a magazine, begins to turn the pages.  JUNE leans against the bookcase, contemplating her, glass in hand.

			JUNE
		The setting?

		A pleasantly furnished apartment somewhere in Bayswater...

			FLORIA
		Bayswater?
			JUNE
		Notting Hill?

			FLORIA
		Kensal Rise.  Dernier cri.

			JUNE
		Kensal Rise.  The odd mellow antique, a fine oil painting...

			FLORIA
		...you wish...

			JUNE
		Persian rugs, their colours faded by years of sunlight...

		...and the sofa -

		- what secrets could those silken cushions not reveal -

		- what, he asked himself as he savoured the subtly feminine atmosphere, the flavour of something withheld, something devious even, of this dark-eyed maroon crystal of a woman -

		- what could those shy faded roses not betray if...

FLORIA turns a page.

			JUNE
		She turns a page...white hand on the inky leather, hair loose, silky gown alive in the firelight, her mouth parting slightly as she pants, despite herself, at the fiery force of the story, by the strange compulsion of the tale -

		- HIS tale -

		- written in the hard white hills of the Extramadura during that long, hot summer - what?  (As FLORIA leaps up and knocks her sideways to search in a drawer of the bookcase.)

			FLORIA
		Where the fuck are they?

			JUNE
		What?

			FLORIA
		The batteries for the tape recorder!

			JUNE
		I've no idea.

			FLORIA
		Why didn't I think of it before?
			JUNE
		What?

			FLORIA
		Novels!

			JUNE
		I beg your pardon?

			FLORIA
		I should write novels!

			JUNE
		?

			FLORIA
		Figure it out! - no sodding directors, stage managers, moody bloody musicians rapping on about money, all I need is a publisher.  And an editor to sort out the text.

			JUNE
		Are you sure?

			FLORIA
		Of course I'm sure.  We've cracked it!  Orange Prize, Booker Prize, film rights - the residuals alone will pay for our dream trips to Venice - and we'll lay those off as research, it's a doddle.  No funding nightmares, having to ass-lick bloody producers, what a fucking great idea, God I'm good!

			JUNE
		Does this mean you'll be staying?

			FLORIA
		We need to check out the state-of-the-art, we need to find a hole in the market - look at Bridget Jones, Harry Potter - that guy is loaded, he's writing one a year for the next 20 years.

			JUNE
		So I won't need to sell the house?

			FLORIA
		We must get the right hardware - what?  (Clicks her fingers)  Say it again -

			JUNE
		I won't have to sell the house.

			FLORIA
		No!  That crap you were on about - a man and a woman - batteries!

She storms off.  JUNE is transfixed.  Loud, triumphant music from RAY.
MUSIC.

JUNE on the sofa, writing on a yellow pad.  FLORIA, on her mobile, calls across to her.

			FLORIA
		Amy's knifed her husband.

JUNE nods, not hearing.

			FLORIA
		(Into the 'phone)  Yeah?  (To JUNE)  She said she didn't mind her in the bedroom but she wasn't having his slut in her kitchen.  Don't worry, Amy, you'll be fine - Inez says you've got Neptune ascending.  Stay cool - ciao.  (She rings off.  To JUNE)  We're out of coffee.

JUNE works away, unhearing.  FLORIA, cross, grabs JUNE'S bag and goes.

MUSIC.

JUNE and FLORIA, by candlelight.  FLORIA is reading from a bound manuscript.

			FLORIA
		"They followed the sound.  At the bottom of the gorge there lay a deer, a young doe.  She turned to him.  "Is it dead?"  He said "I think so" and leapt down, holding branches and sliding down the gully.  She followed him slowly and when she reached the bottom he was bending over the animal and she saw that it was alive.  He knelt, and there was something about the bend of his neck, something unprotected.  She felt a clutch of tenderness, a rush of feeling so strong that she found herself stepping back, to be safe, to be inoculated from something dangerous, out of her control.

		He looked up at her, then lifted the animal in his arms and began to climb."

They look across the table at each other.

			FLORIA
		(Shakes her head)  It needs to go faster.

MUSIC.

FLORIA on the sofa.  JUNE enters, waves, puts down her briefcase, exits and returns without her coat, flops down in a chair.

			JUNE
		God!  They say policemen think everybody's a crook.  They should talk to accountants.

		I - am - bushed.  Three hours across the desk from a fraudster with such bad breath that secretaries fainted.

		Oh.  I forgot to shop.

		I'll ring for a takeaway.

		Chinese?

		Curry?

		Fish and chips?

		Are you all right?

		Floria - what's the matter?

She takes the letter from FLORIA'S hand, reads it.  They gaze at each other.

MUSIC.

JUNE is combing FLORIA'S hair.

			JUNE
		(Dreamy)  Is it really true?  (She puts an arm around FLORIA.)

			FLORIA
		This is the happiest day of my life.

They sit, arms around each other.

			JUNE
		Would you like me to come with you?  

			FLORIA
		Where?

			JUNE
		To the meeting?

			FLORIA
		No.  I'll look more vulnerable on my own.  (JUNE laughs.)  In the silk Chalayan I will.

			JUNE
		Not the Nicole Fahri?

			FLORIA
		No, give the game away.

			JUNE
		I agree.  I don't know what you mean but I agree.

FLORIA throws a cushion at her.  They have a cushion fight.  JUNE stops.

			JUNE
		Darling.  You can't take that meeting.  Not without protection.  You must get an agent at once.

			FLORIA
		Already sorted.  I'm with Morvenna Friedel - ace Yank, great clients both sides of the pond.

			JUNE
		(Pause)  How long have you known?

		Why didn't you tell me?

			FLORIA
		Need to know.

			JUNE
		What does that mean, what do you mean?

			FLORIA
		I wanted to get everything in place - to surprise you.  What's the matter?

			JUNE
		Nothing.  I'm surprised you didn't tell me.

		What time is the meeting?

MUSIC.

			JUNE
		(On the telephone)...we can't believe it!  The first publisher we showed it to...I know...I'd no idea new writers could get such a huge advance - obviously they think it will be a best-seller!  I can't believe it, Inez!  I've been making passion-fruit ice-cream - dreadful fuss but she likes it - I've even bought caviar!  I will, Inez, I will - we'll celebrate.  'Bye.

She rings off, brings in a bowl of flowers, gets a large silver cigarette box, fills it with cigarettes.  FLORIA, dressed to die for, enters, as JUNE returns with a large tray of food.

			JUNE
		Tara!  Ce soir, madame, we have caviar a la Melba toast, petit poussin and - passion fruit ice-cream!

			FLORIA
		Can't, I'm going out.  (Crosses and exits.)

JUNE sits.  She takes a piece of toast, takes a bite but puts it down.  She lights up a cigarette.  She is a non-smoker.  A radio is switched on - the sound of a DJ, then the song "Anything Goes."  It is switched off and FLORIA appears in a silver dress and vestigial sandals.

			FLORIA
		What do you think?

JUNE lifts her arms.

			FLORIA
		Twelve hundred smackers.

She scoffs some of the food.

			FLORIA
		Mmm - save it, I'll have it later.

She goes.  JUNE picks up the piece of toast, puts it down again.  She tries the cigarette again, stubs it out.

MUSIC.

JUNE enters, crosses in her underwear, returns in an elegant dress with a small hat and a red clutch bag.  FLORIA enters.  She looks sensational.

			JUNE
		(Nervous)  How do I look?

			FLORIA
		(Holding two scarves)  Great, should I have this or this?  (JUNE chooses.  FLORIA throws the other one round her neck.)  Are my seams straight?

			JUNE
		I thought you were going to wear the aquamarines.

			FLORIA
		What?

			JUNE
		Never mind.

			FLORIA
		Do I look the business?

			JUNE
		(French pronunciation)  Formidable.

			FLORIA
		And feisty?

			JUNE
		Absolutely.

			FLORIA
		Like Ian McEwan with sex.

			JUNE
		You've never read Ian McEwan.

			FLORIA
		You've never read Jackie Collins - best plots in the business.  Get off the bike, June.  I'm telling you, literary is quaint.

She goes.  JUNE follows.

MUSIC.

JUNE enters supporting FLORIA, who sits heavily.  JUNE lifts her feet onto the sofa, FLORIA lies back.

			FLORIA
		Zizi!

She throws her long scarf at JUNE, who dances, singing.

			FLORIA
		Yeah -

		How about that!

			JUNE
		So many celebrities!

			FLORIA
		And Michael Portillo.

			JUNE
		They do have a very good list.

			FLORIA
		Get the right publisher, you can't go wrong.

			JUNE
		Absolutely.

			FLORIA
		You didn't mind that I called you my cousin?

			JUNE
		Of course not.

She crosses, puts on some music...Smoke Gets in Your Eyes.  They dance.  FLORIA with her head on JUNE'S shoulder.

			JUNE
		Tired?

			FLORIA
		Yeah...

But they dance.

			JUNE
		Shall we dance forever?

			FLORIA
		Yeah.

Fade to black.

MUSIC.

FLORIA on her mobile.

			FLORIA
		...I can't.  No - I said I can't.  Because for one thing my bloody hand has seized up from signing books......we're top of the list, why do I have to keep selling?  For the last six months I've been on the road, I need a break - b-r-a-k-e - what?  Let me make it simple.  I am taking off.  Now.  For my sanity's sake.  Oh, sod off.

JUNE enters in trainers and jeans from running.

			FLORIA
		Bloody publishers, I make a fortune for them - do they get their act together?

			JUNE
		Tea, coffee - gin?

			FLORIA
		Brandy.

JUNE pours.

			JUNE
		To you.

			FLORIA
		To me.  (They drink.)  The word gratitude does not exist.  They see me and they see dollar signs.

			JUNE
		Where did they want you to go?

			FLORIA
		Turkey.  Literary convention.  Who's the name?  Me, carrying the whole bloody pageant on my back.

			JUNE
		You're tired, you need a holiday.  I watch you giving out to people, you're shredded, darling - you need a break.

FLORIA does not answer.

			JUNE
		I'll fix it.  Where would you like to go?  Maldives?  Martinique?  Of course! - Venice!  We can do it, at last - see the Titians, the Tintorettes - be devils, stay at the Danieli -

			FLORIA
		The Cipriani.  I've already booked.

			JUNE
		Floria!  You angel.  You're wicked, you didn't say a word, I shall be slaughtered, we're in the middle of contracts, oh, to hell with them.  Venice! - you did say Venice?  The Cipriani - is that the hotel on the Lido?

			FLORIA
		Yeah.  Leaving tomorrow.

			JUNE
		You're not serious, we can't possibly leave tomorrow.

			FLORIA
		Not you.  Me.

			JUNE
		You mean alone - you're going alone?

			FLORIA
		With some other people.  And Inez.

			JUNE
		Inez?  (She crosses, lights a cigarette.)

		You might have told me.

MUSIC.

JUNE, sitting.

MUSIC.

			JUNE
		(On the telephone.)  What you have to understand, Dudley, is that there is somebody for everybody.  There is someone out there for a kind man with a sense of humour, I'd go for you myself if I wasn't gay.  Don't be on trial all the time.  Put the world on trial - your world,

			JUNE (Cont'd)
		the world you make.  It's simple.  Just say to yourself "What do I want" - yes - "what do I want?"  Exactly.  And then go for it, and if you get a No, laugh and say "You can't blame me for trying, you're special."  No, I'm not - if I knew how to pull I'd be doing it myself.  Not at all.  You're fed up.  Yes.  Yes.  Get out there - put a tissue in your pocket for any egg on your face - exactly - the same as everybody else - it's your privilege and responsibility to look out for yourself - yes, get out there!  OK.  Thanks.  And to you!  'Bye!

		(Puts down telephone)  Oh God, telling him how to do it.  What the fuck do I know?

MUSIC.

JUNE sits, hunched, smoking and listening to the radio.  It is Tristan.  She looks up.  FLORIA is there.  She turns off the radio.
			JUNE
		Floria!  I didn't hear you come in!  How was it?  You're so brown!  Was it as wonderful as we dreamed?

			FLORIA
		Great.  We stopped off in Rome and Paris for the collections.

		Here.  For you.

She hands JUNE  a big package.  JUNE unwraps it.  It is a large mauve glass vase.

			JUNE
		Thanks.

			FLORIA
		Bloody hell getting it back, the PR never stopped moaning.  Murano glass.  Locally blown.

			JUNE
		Thanks.

She holds the vase, eventually finds a place for it.  Hiatus.

			JUNE
		I've finished painting the kitchen.  It looks twice as big and three times as light.  (Pause)  And the book's still at number four!

			FLORIA
		It's back at number three.

			JUNE
		Good!  What about the paper-back?

			FLORIA
		Sorted.

Silence.  JUNE picks up the silver box, offers FLORIA a cigarette.

			FLORIA
		I've given up.

			JUNE
		You've given up smoking?!

Amazed, she lights one for herself.

			FLORIA
		It's bad for you.

			JUNE
		And not where it's at.

			FLORIA
		What's that supposed to  mean?
			JUNE
		Nothing.  I've stopped trying to discover what's in and what's out - not eating and drinking a lot of water seem to be in.

Silence.

			JUNE
		I'll go and unpack for you.

			FLORIA
		My stuff's not here.

			JUNE
		Oh, Floria!  They haven't lost it!

			FLORIA
		I'm at the Ritz.

			JUNE
		Why - what's happening?

			FLORIA
		I'm moving into a loft with Inez - it's not ready yet.  Leave that, I'm taking it with me.  (JUNE puts down the cigarette box.)

			JUNE
		Moving?  Permanently?

		You're leaving?

			FLORIA
		I have to, I can't stay here.

			JUNE
		You're leaving me?

			FLORIA
		You know the saying -

			JUNE
		"Don't do anything for too damn long."  Hemingway.

			FLORIA
		"Keep on trucking."  Bruce Springsteen.

			JUNE
		(Puzzled)  You're leaving me.

			FLORIA
		I'll sort out anything decent, Inez or her PA will pick it up, you're welcome to what's left.

			JUNE
		Inez has a loft?  And a PA?  I thought she was broke.

			FLORIA
		Au contraire, she's flying.

			JUNE
		Doing what?

			FLORIA
		Running a dungeon.

JUNE sits.

			FLORIA
		I have to go, I'm seeing my publisher.  Enjoy the vase.

She goes.  JUNE sits for a long moment.

MUSIC.

JUNE appears in FLORIA'S dreadful old dressing gown.  She is smoking, wonders about.  The telephone rings.  She picks it up.

			JUNE
		No, she's not here.  (It rings again.  She picks it up and puts it straight down again.  She stands, thinking - then redials.)

		Ruth, I won't be in today.  If you need any information, speak to Harriet.

She rings off and stands, immobile.

MUSIC.

JUNE is listening to the radio.

			INTERVIEWER
		- And now - the first winner of the new Atalanta literary prize - Floria de Winter!  Floria de Winter.

			FLORIA
		Thank you for having me.

			INTERVIEWER
		This has been a momentous year for you - this is the second prize you've won -

			FLORIA
		Third actually.

			INTERVIEWER
		Of course! - you won the de Beauvoir!  Were you surprised - I mean, the French are so famously chauvinistic.

			FLORIA
		Pas de tout.  They gave me a wonderful dinner at the Georges Cinq - and, of course, meeting Depardieu was to die for.

			INTERVIEWER
		We saw the pictures!  It is amazing, the way that your character, Rose, has become such an icon - a model for the feminine woman in a genderless world, wasn't that how you put it?

			FLORIA
		Look.  We are mammals - tribal.  We gravitate to one another naturally - I mean, at its worst it's racism but we have to accept a sort of basic - how shall I say - isness.

			INTERVIEWER
		I think I see what you mean.

			FLORIA
		We cleave together.  We're no good on our own.  The woman in my book - of course she wants an equal footing in the world - not only with men but with people of different ages, class, nationality.

			JUNE
		I said that!		

			FLORIA
		What she doesn't need is a sort of attenuated, isolated life where she yaws between a natural desire to breed and nurture, and the demands of her cortex - her thinking, achieving self -

			JUNE
		I said that!

			FLORIA
		What she fears - what Rose suffers - what women dread - what we all dread - is loneliness.

JUNE switches off the radio.  She sits, immobile.  A burst of music from RAY.  It is Gotterdammerung.  JUNE rises to thump the wall, changes her mind, returns to the radio, and switches on, changing to Radio 3 and the Wagner, very loud.

MUSIC.

The doorbell rings.  JUNE, scruffy in an old top and trousers, rears up, half awake, from the sofa.  FLORIA enters.

			FLORIA
		I let myself in.

		My God, what's happened to you?

JUNE gapes up at FLORIA, who looks really stunning now.

			JUNE
		What's happened to you?

			FLORIA
		Mini-lift, Botox, macrobiotic and Pilates.

			JUNE
		I believe you - well, except for the macrobiotic.

			FLORIA
		I have a private food trainer.  You have to get the vanity/greed balance in sync.  You should try it.

			JUNE
		What do you want?

			FLORIA
		I was passing.

			JUNE
		In Wimbledon?

			FLORIA
		An old friend is always worth the detour.  Why aren't you at work?

			JUNE
		Ah!  You thought I'd be out.  You called thinking I'd be out.

			FLORIA
		Channel 4 want to do a piece on me.  They want to film here, where the book was written.

			JUNE
		No.

MUSIC.

JUNE sits.  FLORIA pours tea from a pot, gives a cup to JUNE.

			FLORIA
		Biscuit?  (JUNE shakes her head.  FLORIA helps herself.)  God, these are stale!  (She takes another.)

		You look dreadful.

			JUNE
		I've been ill.

			FLORIA
		What with?

			JUNE
		They're not absolutely sure.

			FLORIA
		Not catching, I hope.  What's it called?
			JUNE
		Bi-polar affective disorder.

			FLORIA
		That yuppie thing where you feel bushed all the time?  I thought that had gone out of fashion.

		More tea?

JUNE shakes her head.

			FLORIA
		Is it painful, how did you get it?

JUNE doesn't answer.  FLORIA leans forward, forcing a reply.

			JUNE
		I was in the office one morning.  I don't know!  All of a sudden someone pushed a hoover in the room and sucked all the air out. 

			FLORIA
		Panic attack.

			JUNE
		Even the sounds - the colours went different. 

			FLORIA
		Crikey.  What did you do?

			JUNE
		Got up and left.

			FLORIA
		Where to?

			JUNE
		(Shakes her head)  Little Venice.  By the canal.

			FLORIA
		Water's good for stress.  What then?

			JUNE
		I looked at the houseboats.

			FLORIA
		And?

			JUNE
		I threw my handbag in.

			FLORIA
		In the canal?  With your credit cards?

			JUNE
		And my cheque book.
			FLORIA
		How did you get them out?

			JUNE
		I didn't.  They sank.

			FLORIA
		Christ.

			JUNE
		Then I went out onto the Westway flyover.

			FLORIA
		What for?

			JUNE
		I don't know.  I just walked out into the road and sat down.

			FLORIA
		In the middle of the traffic?

			JUNE
		Yes.

			FLORIA
		Were you killed?

This gets a small smile from JUNE.

			JUNE
		No, but a lorry driver beat me up.

			FLORIA
		Did you sue?

			JUNE
		Floria, it was my fault.  I bent his lorry.

Silence.

			JUNE
		I've been let go.  By the company.

			FLORIA
		If we film here they'll pay you a fee.  They'll pay something.

			JUNE
		I was in a clinic.  For depression.  In France they call it "amertume".  Bitterness.  Truffant said amertume was a proof of genuine feeling.  So, what about you?

			FLORIA
		Just finalised the American paper-back deal.  Amazing.
			JUNE
		Good.

			FLORIA
		And we've sold the film rights.

			JUNE
		For how much?

			FLORIA
		Two million dollars.  It's awesome.  Look, if you need a hand-out - 

She takes out her cheque-book, writes a cheque.  She holds out the cheque to JUNE, who leans forward, reads the amount.

			JUNE
		Five thousand.

She takes the cheque, tears it in half and hands it back.

			JUNE
		I did it for you.

			FLORIA
		That was the arrangement.

		So - no hard feelings.

			JUNE
		I didn't say that.

			FLORIA
		Oh, you mean you didn't do it for me?

		It was a deal?

		Well, tough tit.

		Look, June, success is not your scene.  You couldn't cut it, you'd never handle the stress.  The moment I'm not around to baby-sit, you have a breakdown.

JUNE punches FLORIA to the ground.  She then helps her to her feet, picks up her hat.

			FLORIA
		What was that for?  You're obviously up shit creek.  Take the five thousand!  How much do you want?

			JUNE
		Nothing.  I don't want anything from you.

FLORIA backs off warily.

			JUNE
		It's all right.  You've nothing to reproach yourself with.
			FLORIA
		Absolutely.  It wasn't my idea.

			JUNE
		No it wasn't.

		It was mine.

		You owe me nothing.

		What you gave me was priceless.

		Incomparable.

		You gave me a life.

She closes on FLORIA, gazes at her face.

			JUNE
		Can one expect an eagle to be thoughtful?

She dusts FLORIA'S hat off across her leg, hands it back.

			JUNE
		Nice hat.

			FLORIA
		Look, if you want -

But JUNE stares at her steadily and she goes.  JUNE looks after her thoughtfully, begins to prowl up and down.

MUSIC.

JUNE comes in from jogging.  Throws off her sweatshirt, returns with a mat, and does some yoga.  She rises, crosses to the wall and bangs. 

			JUNE
		Ray - music!  (Hoarse shouting from Ray.)  Anything.

Loud music from RAY.  JUNE thinks, realises she is sweaty, exits.  The Wagner gets triumphant.  JUNE enters in clean shirt and trousers.  She crosses, gets out a pile of yellow pads, and makes herself comfortable on the sofa.

MUSIC.

JUNE working.  Tristan and Isolde from next door.  She pauses to listen, goes back to work.  The doorbell rings.  JUNE ignores it.

MUSIC.

JUNE working.  The music from next door changes from Bostridge singing Schubert, to Callas, to "It Was Just One of Those Things", to The Trumpet Voluntary, to "I'll Get By."  At each change of music JUNE takes another position to work - from the sofa, to the table, to a chair, to the sofa.

The pas de deux from Nutcracker.  JUNE collates, puts the thick wedge of lawyer's pad paper into a box file.

MUSIC.

Voices, off.

			JUNE
		(Off)  Thanks, Ray.

She enters, looking good.

			JUNE
		(Calls, at the door)  The shark was great!

She throws off her coat - loosens her belt, pats her stomach, laughing.  The doorbell rings.  She lets it ring, then goes to answer it.  FLORIA enters, followed by JUNE.  FLORIA looks a mess.  She has put on weight.

			FLORIA
		I've been trying to reach you.

			JUNE
		So I gather.  I'm out a lot of the time.

			FLORIA
		Doing what?

			JUNE
		This and that. 

			FLORIA
		Didn't Inez get in touch?

			JUNE
		And Sonya.  And Jeremy.

			FLORIA
		That prick.  You got my messages?

			JUNE
		Yes.

			FLORIA
		Then why haven't you - ?

			JUNE
		Floria, what do you want?

			FLORIA
		You know what I want.

		You said you did it for me!  So - ?

		Please!

		I'll do anything.  Just say what you want.

			JUNE
		Don't!

			FLORIA
		What?

			JUNE
		Just don't.  Piddle all over my floor.

			FLORIA
		I'm desperate.

			JUNE
		But that's no good.  I can't deal with that.  Either  you're a diva or - God, is this my fault?  Have I turned you into - oh no, I can't have - Christ what a bloody irony.

			FLORIA
		Look.  I know.  I'm a shit.  I'm Mr Toad.  I got carried away.

		June.  You know me.  What did you expect?  I'm a chancer.

		Anyway - look - I didn't expect the book to be a bloody success, it was just another scam the same as all the others - that I could handle.  This was something else.  New territory.  There was no way I could have a literary life in Wimbledon and how could I ask you to uproot yourself, this is your home.

			JUNE
		Oh, you're good.

			FLORIA
		Yes.  I know.  I'm doing it again.  I've been a fucking predator, do you think I don't know that?  It's kill or be killed out there - if you'd had my fucking family!  Shoved off by my mother - no father - a sister I never knew -

JUNE has been trying to interrupt.

			JUNE
		Shut Up!

		Floria.  You have a perfectly good family.  Your father is a wholesale grain merchant in Hull, your mother a pillar of the community, you have two sisters, one married to a dentist - admittedly with a daughter called Kimberly - the other a customer sales assistant in Bury St Edmunds.  And a brother in the shoe trade who likes golf and wind-surfing.  Your parents have been married for forty years, your second sister's husband has an OBE for services above the call of duty to the fire service, and your real name is Frankie Bickerstaff.
Silence.

			FLORIA
		So will you do it?

			JUNE
		Yes.

			FLORIA
		Yes?

			JUNE
		I'll do it.

			FLORIA
		You mean it?

			JUNE
		Yes.

			FLORIA
		Ohhh!  (She knocks over a chair.)
		I didn't know what to do, Junie.  I spent eighteen months - eighteen months on that sequel!

			JUNE
		Well, never mind.  (Rights the chair.)	
			FLORIA
		What do you mean never mind - it was eighteen months of my life!  I couldn't believe them whey they turned it down.

			JUNE
		Perhaps they were thrown by the change of style.

			FLORIA
		That's what I mean!

			JUNE
		Floria, I've said I'll do it.

			FLORIA
		How long?

			JUNE
		Sorry?

			FLORIA
		How long will it take you to write it?

			JUNE
		I've no idea.

			FLORIA
		Two months - three months - six?

			JUNE
		I don't know.  I shall need somewhere to work for a start, I can't work here.
			FLORIA
		Why not?  You did before.

Silence.

			FLORIA
		What about my place in Highgate?  Super views, there's a sauna on the roof.

			JUNE
		No-o.  Not London.  I need somewhere... somewhere...

		I need to be inspired.

			FLORIA
		Abroad then.  Rome, Paris, Morocco -

			JUNE
		On my own?

		I'd be lonely.

Silence.

			FLORIA
		(Small)  I could come with you.  Where would you like to go?

		I know - Venice!  You've always wanted to see Venice.  You love Venice!

			JUNE
		(Muses)  Venice...Venice...

		...ye-es, Venice might do it for me.

			FLORIA
		We'll rent a palazzo on the Grand Canal, for however long you want - near St Mark's Square - not the Lido, it's naff - a palazzo, by the Academia.

			JUNE
		All right.

			FLORIA
		Great.  Fantastic.

			JUNE
		We'll draw up a contract.  Fifty-fifty.

Silence.

			FLORIA
		I got it together.  You'd never have got it together.

			JUNE
		Fifty-fifty.

			FLORIA
		You've thought this out.

			JUNE
		I have.

			FLORIA
		You said you didn't care for money.

			JUNE
		Oh I didn't say that.  (She gets drinks.)  A deal?

			FLORIA
		I have a lot of expenses.

			JUNE
		I'm looking forward to the same.

She clinks her glass against FLORIA'S - settles back on the sofa.

			JUNE
		You know what I'm going to enjoy most?

			FLORIA
		(Sulky)  I don't know.  Travel?  Books?

			JUNE
		Really expensive shoes.

They relax.

			FLORIA
		I've been thinking film scripts but it's better to write the novels, sell the rights and let the hacks do the screenplays.

		I did have one idea for a film.  (JUNE turns to her.)  Joan the Musical?

THE END.